I split with my ex just over a year ago now.
We were engaged, had a house... but the relationship was toxic and I wouldn't see it - you all know the script. He cheats and treats you like crap and you "love him". Blah blah.
Anyway, after I finally woke up, packed my stuff and left I had an absolutely awful time being heartbroken. I was so depressed. It gradually got better though.
I ended up taking a room share after I left, it sucks because I'm 40 this year and have no children or partner - I feel like such a loser sometimes. It's peaceful though and I have been able to do so much more with my life - i'm on a good salary so I have to make lemonade out of lemons so to speak. I have started a huge cut flower patch with a view to selling them in the future, I go on days out, I exercise a fair amount and my mental health has improve enormously. I have sworn off men for a while because I just wasn't over it, I'm still kind of not but i'm getting there. I was in deep with the ex and he convinced me I was mentally ill and needed help. I believed it. It's taken a while to wind back from that.
The thing is though, my ex is still in our house. He has had a promotion, he's going out with someone who is 25 (he's 48). I can't go near my own home - or more like, I won't because I never want to see him again. He is literally poison for me. I put so much work into that place, it's horrible to have just had to leave.
The house can't be sold because of legal issues, it was mis-sold. We're getting it rectified, but he's refusing to update me, being awkward about work being done to rectify the issue (we're putting a gate in i won't bore you with it all) and every single time I ask for an update (which is hardly ever) I get this:
"Stop harassing me, I'm enjoying my life now you're not in it, I'm happy now, why don't you go and get on with your life".
It annoys the shit out of me, because all I actually want to do is get to the point we can sell and be done with him. He says he wants to buy me out, then he doesn't, then he does, then he doesn't.
I've been brutal with cutting off contact with him, but I still need some contact with him regarding sorting things with the house and this is what i am met with. He harassed me so much after I left that I had a solicitor threaten him with a non-molestation order, he eventually got the message but then harassed my solicitor so I had to close the account with them to stop him running up charges.
This entire thing has been so so hard. I cannot move on while we still have the house, I have done everything I feel is right: Got counselling, looked after myself, invested in myself, been alone for a while. And honestly I kind of think: Where does it get you?
He's got everything, the house, the partner, the promotion, and i'm sat here in a room share and although I enjoy my life, I kind of think: Where is the karma!? Where is the payback for the cheating, coercive control, abuse and everything else.
It just frustrates me. It makes me mad, and I honestly end up wondering what the point is sometimes.
Just needed a vent.