To want out

[Dontbeabitterlemon]

I have been with dh for 15 years. We have 3 children. Mostly happy but went through a time where he was emotionally quite bullying towards me and the children who were young at the time, we seperated briefly but agreed to try again. Kids are all still school age.

I just feel like I don't feel anything anymore. I don't find his company interesting or fun. We don't even watch tv together.

He says that ripping up the family will break the kids hearts and i'll barely make ends meet etc. But I think an unhappy marriage is equally damaging.

I can't live a lie just to maintain the status quo.

He is desperate to make it work and talking about dates and counselling etc.

He is a good dad and does a lot around the house. He is a good provider. I should be happy.

I just feel like slowly we have grown apart. He eroded my trust early on with lies etc about lap dancing, money, porn etc. He has grown up so much since then but I feel like I've grown apart.

If you're not happy, you don't have to stay. You deserve to have a fulfilling life.

He makes it sound impossible for me and says he won't have a life anymore if we split.

Sadly it sounds like the early years were not great. You can't always find a way to love someone when they have behaved in a way you find unloveable

I've been there - marriage where I didn't feel anything except obligation to stay. Felt no real affection, no common interests, drinking problems left me feeling no respect. It ground me down, a lot.
I got out - but after the initial 'taking the millstone off my neck' euphoria wore off - it can feel very lonely, that I lost a lot more than a poor marriage.
Money wise - frankly, I can sleep as well in a smaller house, a lesser car will sit in a traffic jam just as slowly as any other, holidays don't need to be exotic to be fun, so there's always a way.
Sounds like your life together doesn't have many 'ups' but doesn't really have big 'downs' either: Just has no energy.
So I'd say try to get more positives where you are first? Make time to do things that make you feel good, away from him and the kids. The time that you do spend together - try to do more interesting things (sod watching TV together, plan that adventure break, or whatever gets you both out of your drudge zones).
If that doesn't work, then yes, plan to go your own way, but be sure about it first, ok?

With all respect to him as a person, it's not your problem whether he has a life if you split. Also, that does sound potentially manipulative as a statement.

I think we have already had the lows. The emotionally abusive and bullying behaviour in the past, the lies and insecurities that reared for me. He knew how big trust was for me as my dad cheated on my mum for years when I was young. Checking out other women in front of me. He confided in me recently thar he once ended up with a drunk woman in a hotel room with her 'knickers down and bits out offering it on a plate (I had pnd at the time, we hadn't had sex in a long time) and he used this to illustrate his self control and ability to do the right thing. Lying about financial investments. Constant moaning, road rage. Saying our first born was 'not a normal baby' when she had cholic.

I just feel like I have moved on from all these things but they've taken a toll. Now because he is the calm, loving model husband all of a sudden I'm supposed to be grateful. Because he's finally grown up at the age of 50.

We did nyc. He moaned about being up the rockerfeller for too long, couldn't be bothered waiting for the sun to set. Yes we have fun times but it's like we have nothing in common other than our children and we just don't have anything to talk about.
I genuinely feel done. But I know I will be bludgeoned into staying. He knows exactly how to play on my emotions and fears.