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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sibling relationship - I'm confused

4 replies

2023Tobeornottobe · 02/07/2024 12:57

Hello,

I am struggling with my feelings and wondering if I could get some perspective. My brother got together with his girlfriend in July last year (his first serious relationship in a long while, he is 46 I'm the older sister). I have only met her a few times. In January he announced she is pregnant and she moved in with him in May. I finally got to chat to her about a month a go on her own and she is lovely, although it did surprise me that she was commenting on how close my brother and I are (I don't think we are)
Fast forward to last weekend he came round and was very stressed and telling me she has severe MH problems, is struggling to cope with the pregnancy and worries about money (he contract was not renewed after she told the she was pregnant). He even said that if she wasn't pregnant he would have split up with her by now...I was very supportive but didn't give advice, just said I was here if he needed to talk. I was very touched that he had opened up to me, he usually just sits and brags about how great his life is, never asks me how I am, is not supportive of me. Whilst telling everyone what a close bond we have....
Last night he sent me a message with a photo of them both and the caption, 'she said yes' - they are engaged. I am shocked and confused and struggling because I worried so much about him and now it seems that everything is rosy....and all I get is a text.
Do I pretend I'm really happy? Detach and set boundaries? He is the only family I have.

OP posts:
hellogoodbyebye · 02/07/2024 13:02

I think it is a nice thing he reached out to you, perhaps it's more about cultivating your relationship with brother and future nephew/ niece than voicing any doubts about the relationship. They have a baby on the way no doubt they are prioritising this over everything else.

It's always tricky with these things, you can't really voice too many opinions when it comes to their relationships - they have to figure it out for themselves really.

heldinadream · 02/07/2024 13:02

Middle ground. He's 46 so very much an adult. No one is perfect. So whatever your concerns about their relationship they are trying to make a go of it and he's stepping up.

Just be as supportive as you can without going over the top. Give them a chance.

And welcome your new neice or nephew!

2023Tobeornottobe · 02/07/2024 13:18

Yes I am excited to be an Aunty! I just wish I didn't get so emotionally invested, and I also am a bit hurt that he didn't tell me he was going to propose?? Yet is telling her we have a close relationship....I have to pretend a lot and I don't like that.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 02/07/2024 13:39

Sorry why would he tell you he's going to propose? That sounds a bit strange to me. I have 2 daughters I'm very close to but they both told me they were getting married to their partners after the proposal was a done deal, not before. Which I wouldn't have thought to question - because they are adults.

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