SIL - PITA, how do you cope?

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She's lovely (according to her family)

My best friend recently admitted she couldn't stand the girl (knew her before she was my SIL as BF knew DH and introduced us)

She has a tendency to really get on my nerves and has an ability to say the stupidest and most thoughtless things (even though her brother - DH - NEVER notices as he's been brainwashed his whole life to understand that she is a demi-god and he comes second place)

She borrows things and forgets to give them back - often quite expensive electrical goods, DVDs, baby equipment - did go for the video camera, but thankfully DH actually managed to say NO, but that's OK as DH and I earn more money than poor her and her DH - largely because we didn't feck off around the world on a big jolly for 3+ years, whilst spending all our money and not working OR spend over £2000 on a honeymoon when we got married...so now it's our responsibility to tab them etc...

She is determined to create a poisonous 'competition' between the 2 grand babies - hers and ours - to see which is the most favoured in her parents eyes. Utterly stupid as they love them both, and unpleasant to be around.

EVERYTIME anything is mentioned about any part of motherhood / parenthood etc it's always 'poor poor SIL, she has had SUCH a tough time about X, Y or Z' by her father - she is the archetypal MARTYR of motherhood.

She is so insecure about her own parenting choices that she has to say horrid things about her friends and how they parent, to me, everytime we see her (WTF - these are her friends for gods sake).

PILs ar constantly worried about how SIL will manage financially (maybe an admission that she's crap with money ) as they earn so little compared to us, BUT have access to virtually free childcare, only need to run 1 car due to their working arrangements and she's going to cut down her working hours, practically giving up, so how on earth can they be strapped for cash?

Visited PILS without the whole gang last month, and it was SOOOOO lovely not having SIL there - even MIL said it was nice to see just the four of us!

All this I do sound bitter about, but could forgive, except she takes my DH so much for bloody granted. Only ever contacts him when SHE wants something and is so unpleasant to him, trying to get him into trouble with his parents, showing off about the things she does and we don't (we don't go on about the fact that they live in a shoebox house that would happily sit in our living room ffs) etc if he doesn't do what she wants him to do. Never calls just for a chat and happily dumps any arrangements we've made months in advance (DH has a real thing about keeping in touch with his sister and meeting up once a month if possible ) at the last minute if it's inconvenient or she's made other arrangements with friends, suddenly. He just doesn't mind at all, but if anyone else treated him like this, he would NEVER accept it. How verry dare she!!!!

Sorry for the rant - but if you find a SIL or member of you in-law family really annoying, how do you deal with it - I know I need to find a positive way of approaching this as she is the original teflon coated SIL and I don't want to wind up looking like a complete bitch SIL.

Mine's over in Europe - a large land mass in the way is very helpful, although this won't be much assistance to you. Sorry!

My SIL is a poisonous, vindictive cow - even a continent and ocean between us doesn't help matters...

It doesn't help, but the best antidote to corrosive SILs is to just treat them as you wish to be treated and support your DH..

Oh, a have a good BF or mumsnet sign-on to rant...

maybe the continent one is a good one - DH has recently spoken about working abroad with the family in tow...

MY SIL and I used to be best mates. We both left our partners (who are brothers) at the same time and we were, I thought, a great source of support to each other as we could bitch and moan about the common vile characteristics...

She's stopped ringing and my sons have come home to tell me they had a great visit with Dad and Auntie A and they're all going on holiday together next week!

I don't care if she wants to shag the ex as he's too vile to be attracted to, but I do feel desperately betrayed at her jumping over to the enemy side and I am horrified at all the insider knowledge she is passing on to him....

Ouch MissGelly.

SIL pales into insignificance with that one! Hope ur as ok as u can be.

Maybe they shop for broomsticks at the same place?

Inlaws can make one's life hell....

Goodness Miss Gelly - every sympathy. With regards to OP post I am in a similar position in the sense the SIL is seen as amazing, and the font of all knowledge on rearing children. She is also quite bitchy. (3 of DH's friends have told me this as well independently not knowing my feelings).

The way I cope is this - I go to family events and allow IL's contact with DDs, but that's it. I smile lots at events, make small talk and just let it all wash over me. If I do need to bitch (I go on MN or chat to my best friend, but allow myself 5 mins max), I never tell DH. If your DH wants to keep in contact with his sister more closely - that's absolutely fine but he can either go on his own occasionally or make in your head back up plans when she disappoints you all again. If you don't invest so much emotional energy in the relationship - you won't get disappointed.

All though you could say I am cowardly (and in a way you'ld be right , the way I see it is that just as at work you won't like all your colleagues but have to get on with them - its the same with ILs. You just wouldn't go out for a drink with them on a Friday after work IYSWIM.

You won't like all your family (including ILs) all the time - but you will have to encounter and live with them.
Hope this helps.

I airbrushed her out of our lives.

I run two diaries, one diary but two different sets of listings. I write fictional arrangements in in pencil, and always make sure I am a good 6 months ahead of myself. That way she never catches me on the hop, by asking what are you doing on such and such a date.

In February.she made noises about wanting to see DS, well what do you know we are busy until the end of June.

She had her chances, she blew them.

My SIL stepped out of hell too. I knew the first time I met her that I wouldn't want to wait in a queue with her. My brother doesn't seem to like her much either, which is very sad. I don't see either of them together. My father sadly seems to prefer his daugher-in-law to his son, or indeed any of his immediate family.

For my part, I just try to keep out of the way.