Sibling relationship following parent death

[HowIrresponsible]

How many of you have had an almighty fall out with a sibling or siblings during a parents illness / death. I'm talking to the extent you never want to see them again and have cut them off due to their behaviour?

We had a strained relationship anyway and my sister was always verbally abusive to me but her behaviour over mums death was unforgivable.

I'm still reeling a bit as I have no other family left in that respect.

Not a big falling out, just a gradual separation. We don't have anything in common and now nothing to communicate about.

Ah my mum wanted to come home when she was immobile and dying of cancer. Totally dependant for care.

My sister demanded I take mum back to her home and be her carer and when I didn't she was abusive. She wasn't willing to be a carer of course.

I still can't get my head around the fact that she thought i deserved that level of abuse for not being able to do what she wouldn't.

The day after the funeral I blocked her everywhere and I'm done. But that's it. All my family gone now

Same here.
It is not uncommon, OP. I have friends in similar circumstances.
Once parents die, the glue holding siblings together, can melt pretty quickly and permanently.

Sorry for your loss firstly .
I think this is much more common than society acknowledges .
It's a hard experience to go through and emotions are high.
Take time and space to just breathe and process what's happened.
No right nor wrong outcome here

I'm sorry for your loss.

What I will say is this; family. Over rated! Just because you share some blood & DNA or whatever doesn't mean you have a connection.

Choose your own tribe. My parents are thankfully still alive but aging, so death is inevitable...I have one sibling who has nothing to do with me. His choice. So when our parents die I'll have no family. I'm at peace with this.

my mum passed away when i was 16 and i come from a family of 5 sisters, she left behind a disabled dad and 5 girls.

very shortly after, the oldest 3 left home, either married or whatnot.. leaving me, a 16 year old caring for disabled dad and a 13 year old sister.

we kept it together, sort of for the next 18 or so years, i took dad on holidays, had him live with me when he had shingles and needed 24/7, i even tried to move away myself to make my sisters take some responsibility.. but no i then ended up making an 80 mile round trip twice a day to continue to care for my dad.

he finally became so ill, he needed to go into a care home, and it was up to me to find it... which i did, very close to my own home, bearing in mind i had 2 babies to look after and a job to hold down.

all hell broke loose, because the other 4 sisters, who very rarely saw their dad, didn't want to make the trip to a nursing home potentially once a month.. but i was the one who was still making visits too him twice a day.

when he passed... i was done! have hardly spoken to my sisters since

I happened to live closer and had no children. Sister only has one 11 yo who lives 50% with their dad. She absolutely had time to help.

It was so awful that when mum was in the hospice she used to check the visitor log books and calls logs to see when I last visited and texted me to call me a fucking bastard / cunt if i hadnt visited for 48 hours.

She asked to give up my job and everything

I'm so sorry.

I can't understand how siblings expect so much of one of us whilst doing nothing themselves

One of my siblings’ behaviour was so appalling during my parents’ last months I will never forgive them. They stole all my mother’s jewellery, emptied the house of anything of value, wrote bullying letters to my dying father who was in hospital trying to get him to sign over land so they could develop it for housing, overrode my parents’ wishes for their ashes to be scattered.
There’s much worse that came to light in the months after my parents died.

thanks... i think you have to ask yourself.. is it them or was it me? who was wrong, them for not doing anything or me for taking on too much?

i can hold my head up knowing i did my best by my dad! he was clearly the glue that held us all together and once he was gone that became very clear.

i miss him..