Husband's family never seem interested in me

[Gingerbreadcookiesandcream]

My husband's family live abroad and we travel to see his family at least once a year. The family speak German and I know enough to communicate what I want to say (albeit with grammatical mistakes as I'm still learning). I've known his family for over ten years. What I've noticed though is that every time I visit, I make an effort to ask his immediate family about how they are, ask interested questions about their lives and I make an effort to give genuine compliments where it's due. However, what I've noticed is nobody in the family ever asks anything back about me, not even how are things with you? I feel like the family don't know me. I do have low self esteem and I've had therapy before but when I go it just makes me feel not included because it feels like his parents and immediate family aren't bothered about me. I'm not expecting any special treatment but a little 'how are you?' would be nice. I know that they ask my husband lots of questions and my own family are so welcoming to him and make a big effort to talk to him and include him. I appreciate that there's an intercultural/ language difference but I make a big effort every time I go so it's not like I'm afraid to speak in German. I find it frustrating sometimes. Has anyone ever experienced similar?

Sorry, I don't have much to offer, but I see nobody on here has responded (ironically).
Maybe point out that it's good for you to chat to them to get better at speaking German.
Does your husband have any opinion or can he make more effort to include you?

They might just be a bit like that- I’ve had partners families before who just weren’t really that interested in me and I didn’t love it. I’d see what your partner has to say about it, he’d probably have the best insight on it.

My inlaws are similar although no cultural difference. I struggled for a while and I do still think it's rude however, I've come to terms with knowing it's just who they are and they aren't the kind of people to ask about others, it doesn't occur to them and it's not personal as they are like it with everyone even their own children. Which isn't great but know it's not on you, it's them. Maybe try not to worry about how much effort you're putting, if it's not matched.

DH's family have known me since I was a teenager and aren't that interested no cultural or language differences. I'm quite fond of them to different degrees, but I don't really code for them in the terms of reference they're familiar with. Like I heard at a family party a neighbour asking my MIL what I did for a living and my MIL didn't know! (DH and I trained for the same job, and he later moved fields, but I still do the same thing, the thing I trained for, and have been doing it for over 20 years it's not like I chop and change all the time!)

I don't take it personally. Some people just don't have the imagination to engage with lives that are outside their own experience.

I see my in-laws every week and they never ask how I am, or about my work. It’s all about H. I have lost my own parents and I do feel unloved and unappreciated to have no one who cares enough to ask after me. Especially as I work longer hours in a more stressful and technical job it’s hard to listen to how tired H looks every week!

I think it's part distance/ personality and part cultural difference.

You meet very rarely so barely know each other, you simply can't have much of a connection from such distance. I see my extended family with similar frequency and to be honest, I don't know them and seeing as I don't know them, asking them any such questions would be kind of hollow.

I'm from a country similar to Germany culture-wise. Honestly, when I first came to the UK, I found people quite intrusive. They'd be asking me how I was and how my work etc was going etc. Over time I realised that this was normal in the UK and people were just a bit 'nosy'/ making conversation was considered polite, compared to Northern Europe. People thought I was rude, as from my life experience so far, I considered asking personal questions inappropriate, so I didn't ask such questions back.

Especially if they are in East Germany, but generally Germany and similar countries, asking personal questions from someone you don't have regular close conversations with can be considered impolite and intrusive. I understand in a way you may consider them your family, but if you don't speak to them on personal topics on a weekly basis, they may think it odd to have this type of conversation.

It may sound cold but it's often better to stick to generic topics such as what is happening in the public domain/ news etc. Especially if you are in a group. 1-2-1 personal questions are more acceptable.

Again, this is my specific experience of living in Germany and Northern Europe, so your partner's family may be a bit different.

Sorry for my delay in replying. Thank you for all your responses - very useful insights. I have mentioned it to my husband before but he got annoyed with me for mentioning it, really.

Sounds like a cultural issue to me. My Nordic in-laws are very similar, even though I now speak their language to pretty much full functional fluency. The idea of not wanting to pry is quite ingrained in a lot of these cultures