Gone off sex??

[PalaminoPaint]

I’ve always had a really high sex drive. My husband has not. I wanted sex every day, he was happy with it once every few months.
In fact he wasn’t particularly happy, that was just his compromise - to try to keep me happy.

This made me miserable, so we talked. He saw a GP and learned he had low testosterone. He got treatment in the form of injections and after a while things began to improve.

We’ve now had a very satisfying sex life for the past 10-15 years. Lots of fun.

I’m now 44 and we have only one grown son who’s moving out soon. DH is excited and looking forward to this, and meanwhile, my sex drive has over the past few months plummeted.

I just don’t feel like it. I still do it and have never turned DH down as I remember how it felt to be rejected. But it’s such an effort. During sex I can’t wait for it to end, even though DH always makes sure I have a good time. I just seem to have lost the desire for it.

This makes me feel really sad. I have been looking forward to this new lease of life, time to be like teens again. I’m very attracted to DH. I’m in the best shape I’ve been for ages.

Is this normal? I don’t want the fun to end, but I honestly feel like I can’t be bothered.

I wouldn’t want to swap my husband. I love him to pieces. I just want to desire sex again. I don’t want to become that wife who doesn’t want sex ever again.

Perimenopause, I'd say, and I'd be surprised if that's your only symptom.

Are you peri? I am and that has definitely affected my libido. Some days/weeks I can’t get enough and then other weeks I could literally stab him if he breathed near me?
See your GP about HRT (but be prepared for a battle, they don’t like giving it out! At 45 NICE guidelines say they have to, based on your symptoms though)

I have felt more tired than normal and I seem to get brain fog a lot. My hair which has always been long dark and lustrous, and I’m very proud of it, seems to have thinned. It’s still thick at the moment, but it’s definitely not as thick.

I wasn’t expecting perimenopause for another 5 or 6 years. Can it be treated?

Ah, that’s all a bit pants. I really don’t want a battle. I put most of my symptoms down to poor sleep.

Frigid is a really grim misogynistic term. You've shown that here as the men just don't want to do it, but the women are frigid. Sex drives ebb and flow for all sorts of reasons so the idea that they'll just match up forever is not realistic.

OP just talk to your husband, he should understand as he previously felt like this! You could then speak to your dr about perimenopause and HRT.

Thank you. I think I’m going to post in health instead to see if anyone can suggest supplements in the meantime. I will see my Gp.
Thank you for the advice.

Definitely sounds like perimenopause, try the Health and Her website there’s a questionnaire about symptoms and then it suggest appropriate supplements.

Incompatible sex drives can be tough on a relationship as it can feel quite rejecting or frustrating, that being said it’s not helpful for there to be pressure to have sex or arguments over it. Just have a chat and explain how you feel and then hopefully with supplements etc you’ll feel a bit better.

Brain fog and Sleeplessness are signs of menopause for sure.
Some GP’s are definitely more on the ball than others.

HRT, and those are perimenopause symptoms. 51 is the average age for periods to stop and perimenopause can start 7 years before that, so you're bang on time really. Just look at the NHS page. GP supposed to rule out other causes for your symptoms if you are under 45. I had thinning hair too, like you was thick to start with so not really noticeable to anybody except me. Fatigue was my biggest symptom. Sex drive went as well but it was the least of my worries so I didn't really notice until it came back with hrt. Louise Newson balance website has loads of info too.

Could be perimenopause but low iron levels or thyroid problems can also cause similar symptoms so definitely get to the GP

I just don’t feel like it. I still do it and have never turned DH down as I remember how it felt to be rejected.

And now you have experience of the other side of it and know that it's not about him or being attracted to him, it's just that you don't have any libido at the moment. Personally I'd hate for someone to have sex with me even though they didn't want to, I'd hate it. Perhaps your husband would feel the same having been on the other side of it?

But it’s such an effort. During sex I can’t wait for it to end

Having sex when you feel that way is likely to make it worse in the long run. Could you talk to your husband and see if there is any other kind of intimacy you could enjoy/share for now and take sex off the table?

Also try not to worry too much, it's only been a few months. This doesn't mean that your sex drive is gone forever.