I have had three big relationships in my life. The first was abusive (him to me) the second was in reflection coercive and left with him leaving me after having an affair.
I was single for a long time, then I met a man and we have now been married for 10 years. I have children, he has children.
On paper he is a great husband, however I’m beginning to despise him.
I have tried so hard to make this work and I am feeling like an utter failure.
One of my children is hard work, autistic, she doesn’t particularly like my husband. She was fine when we got married and before, puberty hit and I put it down to hormones etc. and a father figure being in the house when she had been with me for so long alone.
He doesn’t have a lot of patience with her ways. He says there is one rule for one in the house and one for her. I know this is true but she needs a lot of extra help in a lot of ways.
The other thing is that I feel all the time that I have to think for him even if the answer is staring him in the face.
With my daughters needs and the other issue is that in taking her through the autism process I think that I too am autistic. My feelings are that I get very upset over the following:
Not knowing what is happening day to day
Frustration when things don’t go the way I would thought they would
Being exhausted after a long day socialising.
I find it more and more difficult to go out and get huge anxiety when something new comes up
When we aren’t dealing with the kids, we get on well. I don’t think blended families work.
I keep thinking it would be better if I lived alone with just my children and he lived elsewhere
Everyone LOVES my husband and if I try to confide in anyone I get the response well you have fucked this one up again.
i just want to vent really. Is it me? I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m menopausal and finding life a struggle.