I’m not sure what information would be relevant here, I haven’t properly thought it through but I’ll give it a go.
After growing up with a single mother on benefits who had a string of abusive relationships she brought back home, and watching other children getting to see their dad or other family members, whilst I only knew my mother and one brother, had been kept from literally every other family member and even had numerous half siblings on both sides I had no idea about and have no contact with, I always thought that if I ever had children, I would want to give them a stable upbringing, know where they came from and have a relationship with their parents together and their dads side of the family at least as I don’t know who mine are. I felt extremely judgemental of my mother.
Unfortunately though after untreated anxiety and trauma, that I am only getting help for now as an adult, and long waiting lists for said help, I had found myself in my first and only abusive relationship. They were the first person that I let into my life romantically and trusted. I don’t see them as entirely abusive, I see some of their behaviours as abusive. I see them as a whole, there are bits about them that I love and bits about them that make me angry. I keep going between loving them and hating them for the things that they’ve done. They are neurodivergent if that counts, like me, which could explain some things. We broke up in December, influenced by a female friend he was speaking to. I appreciate that they’re responsible for their actions and the things they say and ultimately it was their choice, but main issue was that particular female friend who was massively influencing their opinion of me and my behaviours. It felt like a form of bullying, because I was constantly having to explain and defend myself from her and her accusations about my character and the labels she would stick on me. She was his go to for everything. For example, if I had caught him sending flirtatious messages to someone when he was in a relationship with me, he would deny that was how he meant to come across and she would call me crazy. She had similar labels for me, they kept getting worse and worse. For example, he was neglecting his sleep routine, or any routine actually, neglecting to wash himself, brush his teeth or remember to eat, and neglecting our relationship in favour of playing computer games, either with himself or with friends, and it was interpreted her as controlling him from talking to his friends or enjoying his interests. If I tried to speak to him about something that was bothering me and trying to improve our communication, of course he would go straight to her about it as his go to for everything, and would tell me to stop bothering him with my feelings as it was overwhelming him and he’s done nothing wrong. He felt attacked whenever I tried to voice an issue. he was using her as an emotional support crutch and communication tool, instead of trying to understand what I am saying or learn to speak with me about things himself. If I needed to be alone, or was suffering from executive dysfunction or was having a meltdown, I was made out to be bipolar or “ schizophrenic” which was an extremely hurtful label and inaccurate, I just really wasn’t coping. I was always made out to be evil and it was all influenced by her. I received nasty messages from her about how I am useless to society because I am autistic and should off myself, it was all big long paragraphs, I received all these messages from multiple accounts, not her actual account, they were signed by her and written from her own perspective. I didn’t take photos sadly, but I wish I had. When I told him about it he spoke to her and she denied it saying it was her friend. She said that it was very horrible what had been written about me and made out like she was sorry for me and he ate it up and believed her.
i feel like she has been bullying me through him for a long time. Ultimately I would love it if there was a way to get him to see that and start communicating with me so that we can have a good relationship.
I realise I have written a lot, but it is because I have had his child conceived in September and am in a battle about wether or not to involve him in her life, I don’t know what to do if he finds out because I feel the woman influencing him is dangerous to me and potentially our child as well and I want her to have no involvement. He is a catholic and I am a Christian