Partner looking at ex’s Fbook profile

[Stacey7676]

Been with partner for five years. In a moment of paranoia I looked at his Facebook search history. About 90% of his searches are boring football related forums and the like. The other 10% are people. Some are men, some are women. I noticed that one of the women was someone he dated about fifteen years ago (they are not Facebook friends). When I asked him about it, he said that she popped up on the ‘people you may know list’ so he visited her profile (Facebook activity log confirmed that he had visited the profile rather than searching for it). He said it was nothing more than a passing curiosity about someone he knew a long time ago and he has no sexual/romantic interest in them. He said he had looked at a few of her photos to see what she is up to nowadays, what her husband and kids looked like etc, as and is offended that I thought it could be anything more than that.
it just gives me a weird feeling to think of him looking at photos of someone he once slept with.
would this bother you?

I do this occasionally. Just a random, passing thought about someone from my past and a quick “wonder what they’re up to now” kind of thing. For me it’s just a fleeting curiosity, no feelings involved.

However, it’s concerning that you have felt the need to snoop on his Facebook, I’d be very annoyed if I were him.

I wouldn't be bothered by that at all. It's normal for people to feel curious when an ex-partner/former classmate/old friend shows up in their Facebook suggestions. It doesn't mean they're about to run off and elope with that person.

To be honest, I'd be more bothered if I were your partner. What made you delve into his search history like that? Checking the activity log feels very intrusive. Unless he's given you actual reasons to distrust him, you shouldn't be monitoring his social media and you certainly shouldn't be expecting him to justify himself.

It’s normal to be curious. Every so often I remember someone I used to know and look them up. Sometimes that might be an ex but more often it’s an old school friend or work colleage. I wouldn’t want to sleep with any of them.

This is one of the reasons people use FB. Its normal human curiosity

If I were him I’d be leaving you, snooping on him to the level you are checking his activity log?? That’s not right.

I’ve read articles online and seen other similar threads on here where people have said it’s a red flag if your partner is looking up his ex

He hasn’t looked her up though, she popped up so he had a nosey which is a particularly normal thing to do. He hasn’t searched for her, he hasn’t continuously checked her page and he hasn’t friend requested her so I think you’re being unreasonable.

I think the bigger issue is you feel the need to check his Facebook search history and then make sure his story checks out with the activity log.

Everyone with a Facebook account has looked up an ex at least once. I’d bet twenty quid on it.

It stems from curiosity not love/lust.

No it wouldn't bother me and I do it myself.

I would be very concerned if my partner started searching through my browsing history, and grilled me about the very innocuous things found there. Talk about a red flag.

(Facebook activity log confirmed that he had visited the profile rather than searching for it)

If you actually checked his activity log to verify what he told you, I think you should seek therapy.

I look up exes from time to time as I’m interested to see what they’re up to. It doesn’t mean I want to fuck them.

Yep this. FB is made for being nosey. We’ve all looked at old friends, exes, people from school, old work mates etc - what’s point of social media if you can’t have a secret snoop? 🤣

Agree that a partner checking out my search history then questioning me on it is a much bigger red flag than a bit of social media nosing

If he knows them in real life or has a chance of it then be suspicious. Otherwise, I also try to find the Facebook profiles of those I once knew a long time ago just out of curiosity to see how they’re doing now

I’ve looked up every one of my exes back from when was 13 😂 I’m over 40. I’ll will probably continue to do so every few years or so despite being married for 20 years. It’s normally when I’ve had a few drinks and I’m getting all nostalgic for my younger years. I’m not sure what the red flag is

I'm very happily married and still look up my exes every few years. I've got no romantic or sexual interest in them, I'm just nosey. I shared my life with them for a while and like to know what happened to them. I was really pleased to see last time I looked that my uni boyfriend is married now with a daughter. He looks happy and I'm pleased about that as he's a decent person and deserves to have a nice life.

No but I tell you what I would find disturbing - my partner checking my Facebook searches and activity log and then questioning me about it! What's wrong with you?

Remember before FB we had friends reunited? I’m sure 99.9% of us looked up our childhood crushes and the boy we snogged at youth club?

Its harmless human curiosity - not a red flag in sight

I've been married for 20 years and I sometimes have a wee broswe of exes.

I'm just nosey to see what they are up to. I wouldnt be bothered if DH did the same.

However I'd be very cross if I found out my DH was monitoring my browsing history- that is creepy.

No it's completely normal behaviour

His behaviour is completely normal. Yours is not.

I look at all my admittedly very few exes' FBs. I'm friends with several. All were positive times many years ago and I'm pleased to see their lives panned out well.

He sounds normal and you sound obsessive.

Doesn't everybody????

I frequently look up my ex's simply because I'm a nosey beggar. Not the slightest intention of ever making contact or trying to get together with them.