To give up on love after being cheated on in every relationship?

[Beeloux]

Evening all,

I’m 26 with 2 young dc so have no time, chance or intention to look for romance.
However I was reflecting before and realised every relationship I’ve been I’ve been cheated on (some physical cheating, other times finding out they were actively using dating sites during the relationship). Most recently, I stupidly rekindled things with dc2’s (4 months) dad and this weekend, notifications popped up on his home page for bumble and tinder matches while his phone was beside me 😞

I’m starting to think is it something wrong with me that no man is ever faithful to me? Am I terrible at sex? Does my breath smell without me knowing? Am I annoying to talk with?

I don’t choose men for looks, more personality, so I obviously have a terrible sense of character. I’ve always treated them well during the relationship, don’t argue, make a big fuss for birthdays/Christmas, pay my way, cook for them and go out of my way to do thoughtful things for them. They always seem to treat their future partners much better than me. One ex who I had blocked once left me a voicemail to tell me how he was so happy with OW and had taken her on a cruise, he obviously sent me this to spite me as he didn’t buy me anything during the relationship.

Looking back when I was younger, I was pretty and got scouted for modelling several times. Now that I have kids,I try and keep my appearance and figure in good shape but money is tight so I haven’t been able to take care of myself like I used too.

I’ve got to the point now I really feel like giving up on romance. It would be impossible to date for years anyway as I don’t have any family who can regularly babysit and couldn’t afford a babysitter. Even if I could, I feel like there’s no point as most likely they would cheat on me as usual. At the same time, I would miss the intimacy and having someone to talk to.

Has anyone else felt like giving up on love? Any input appreciated!

I haven’t given up yet but I’ve been cheated on in most of my relationships.

@Walking12345 sorry to hear 😞I would love to meet someone in the future but I don’t think I would trust another one again.

I'm much older than you, but in my experience most serial monogamous relationships end with a crossover period. It's not you, it's just how life often pans out. I don't know anyone who hasn't been cheated on at least once, and I am in my 60s.

Men who treat their partners badly will treat all of them badly. It is 100% about them, not you. When they are love bombing a new conquest, they will do things like take them on trips, but later on, they will stop pretending and return to who they really are.

You have said you are not a good judge of character. Work on that. If you don't want another relationship, you don't have to get into one. If you do, you need to learn how to spot red flags. Love bombing behavior in the beginning is one of them. Previous cheating should be an automatic no. Do not date a person who has cheated in the past. If you catch them in any lies, dump them. Pay attention to how honest and honourable they are (or aren't) in general.
To some extent you can weed them out, but sadly, there are people who are such good fakers that you won't see who they truly are until months, years, even decades later. You can decide whether or not it is worth the risk to try again. It's perfectly fine to decide it's not and stay single.

@DelphiniumBlue i think that’s giving cheaters a bit of an excuse tbh. Surely there must be some capable of being on their own for a bit?

Thanks all, I definitely think I have abandonment issues stemming from childhood which is one of the main reasons I try probably too hard in relationships in the fear they will leave or cheat.

It always seems to be the same pattern, either I find out myself they are cheating or someone I know will tell me they saw them active on a dating app.
My brother’s a bus driver and once saw one ex kissing another woman in the city centre while he was driving his bus. Same ex had told me he loved me earlier on in the day! I don’t think I could deal with yet another humiliation like that. 😔

You just didn't find the right person yet. In these past relationships your partners just realised first that you weren't right for each other and the relationship wasn't working.

The big problem is that a lot of people are cowards and afraid to strike out alone, so instead of having an honest conversation before breaking up, they find someone else to latch onto before breaking it off so they won't be alone after.

Whenever I've been dumped by a woman, she already had another guy lined up to take my place

When you find the right one they won't have any desire to cheat on you because they are the right one for you

@PrickledMess not me, I didn’t have anyone lined up after I chose to split from my husband of 17 years. Tbh I’ve found it more common that women who are often in abusive situations don’t have anyone lined up they just have to leave

You're not alone OP. I'm twice your age and have had a three long term relationships. Two out of three of them ended due to physical and emotional cheating (they happened about 15 years apart). the third, the most recent one, ended due to him not treating me well, but I wasn't in love like I was the other two. I have given up as everyone I fall in love with cheats on me, the last time it happened my heart was torn in two. I can't go thru that heartbreak again and at my age I haven't really come across anyone that I'm interested enough to get into a relationship with, which I guess is a plus.

However you're young. I'm sure you will meet a nice man one day. 😊

I’m starting to think is it something wrong with me that no man is ever faithful to me? Am I terrible at sex? Does my breath smell without me knowing? Am I annoying to talk with?

But they could/would just not get into a relationship with you, or end the relationship..if any of those were the reason.

They don't have to cheat, they're cheating because they're cheaters.

Cheaters are pretty common. I wouldn't presume it's you.

Thanks all for your replies. Sorry to hear it’s happened to some of you too. Hopefully one day we will meet someone who doesn’t cheat! For now I’m just going to focus on the DC until they’re older. Hopefully someone comes along one day 😊

I’ve always treated them well during the relationship, don’t argue, make a big fuss for birthdays/Christmas, pay my way, cook for them and go out of my way to do thoughtful things for them. They always seem to treat their future partners much better than me

This sounds like you try to mould yourself into a subservient Stepford wife type. People (everyone, not just romantic partners) will have more respect for you if you don’t debase yourself like this.

Give up men for a bit and concentrate on leading the sort of life that you want for yourself. Develop your career and friendships and interests.

Then in a couple of years, maybe think about a man who could be an addition to your full life, not a replacement for it.