Really struggling. And pregnant :(

[ZoeSxx]

Hello x
Don't want to make it a life story but never needed support so much in my life.

I'm 4 months pregnant. My 4th baby. I have 3 children from previous relationship (they see their dad) and 2 are teenagers so grown up now (nearly)

Met new man together 2 years. I kept my own house on because I like the security for the kids future. I don't have much, but I see it as theirs.
Thank god now....

Anyway he turned extremely abusive. He went from Prince Charming to a monster. Honestly.
Whilst I've been pregnant I've been called and been told the following by him:

Ugly bitch
Your a Loser
You'll never be anything
I can get better than you
So many women sniff round me
My ex was better than you
The baby is a curse
Another bastard child for you (out of wedlock)
Your too sensitive
You deserve nothing
You're a weird person letting your kids in bed for a cuddle.
Your family could never be proud of you.
He's made awful comments about sexual performance you name it.

I once text him at midnight at about 9 weeks pregnant as I had a funny turn I was throwing up almost passed out. I text him to support n help me and he was so mad and demanded I let him rest and get 8 hours sleep! This is just one story.

I've had no choice but to leave him & block on everything. He still emails me. I can't block that but do leave it open for evidence.
I'm an example to the kids and I'd never want them with someone like him.

I've cried all day today. I also contacted the police for Clare's law to get his criminal history and it's shocking.
I feel empty, numb, weak. I hate myself in the mirror now. To think I loved this man for ages & thought he was amazing. I can't believe how fake it was.

My question is where do I turn for support cus I'm on the edge of a breakdown
I have a great mum & dad however they are 70 and I don't want to scare them they don't deserve it. The kids know very little I'm bottling this up inside.
I just hate myself. My body. Everything.
Just can't believe someone could put me through this

Has any one been through similar?
I cannot stop crying
I don't have friends...I literally just work & spend my time with the kids. They've always been the only friends I've needed xx

I just know I'm their hero and my cape has fell off

Do you still want to go ahead with the pregnancy?

Yes I'm 16 weeks I've seen the scans etc. he led me in at the start and was "happy" about the baby. I couldn't short at this stage x

If you can terminate this pregnancy, I would, for the sake of your other children, and the unborn child's. No one should have this man as their father, and anyone in your life is in your existing children's lives. Getting this man completely out of your life should be your priority.

I'm very sorry.

OK. I'm sorry about the baby's father being abusive.
Many of us have been fooled by a man turning out to not be who we thought he was.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But it sounds like you are doing absolutely the right thing cutting him our of your. and your children's life.

We've all been taken in by people. But be so proud of yourself that you've spotted it and got away

You can do this xx

I disagree, it's not her unborn babies fault the dad is a prick! And you've taken all the correct steps already well done so far.

Wow, some incredibly insensitive comments on this thread.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much whilst being pregnant and caring for 3 other children. Firstly, take a deep breath...

The first remarkable thing you've done is realise your self worth and the wellbeing of your children and baby. You've absolutely done the right thing by removing this man from your life. My first advice would be; if you feel he could become a threat to you, your children or baby, report it to the police. If he's emailing you constantly, that's harassment.

Secondly, please confine in your parents, although elderly, they'd want to be there for you and their grandchildren. I'm assuming they know you're pregnant? A problem shared in a problem halved. Please lean on then, for your wellbeing.

Secondly, consider contacting women's aid. You've been through a form of emotional and verbal abuse and they'd be able to support you, and also speak to your midwife regarding this, they'll be able to support your mental wellbeing with you and baby at the forefront of that.

But please be kind to yourself, you aren't the first and won't be the last to be pulled in by a man who presents himself as Prince Charming, only to get you into a vunverable situation and become a **Head. I don't know many women who background check their partners before entering a relationship/marriage or start a family with.

Try to take some time for yourself, it sounds like you've got your hands full but maybe when kids are with their dad, a nice mum and daughter day? shopping, some lunch, pick yourself up some nice treats, head back home to a nice meal, run yourself a nice bath, throw in a bath bomb, light some candles, use a face mask, paint your nails, get into bed with some comfort food and watch a favourite film and get an early night.

You've got this.

Do you have a time machine she can borrow? What an idiotic post. She's asking for advice!

Just to let you know... the past few days I wondered if taking my life would be best for everyone. If I wasn't as strong as I am... your dirty discusting comment could have been just what I needed to finally end it. Thanks.

Wow what an absolute vile piece of work you are. You must have a very ugly heart.

OP, you feel at your lowest now because he’s mentally torn you down. By the sounds of it you are a wonderful mum whose children love her. You were absolutely fine before this ‘man’ and you will be fine again. As you’ll know with your children, they’ll always be your children and you’ll always want to help them. Tell your parents, friends, services everything. Get the support you deserve. You will be happy again.

Please just ignore the foul comment. Some people's nastiness just blinds them.

Don't think like that - you are important, and your children need you, and do not let that piece of utter wank have any more power over you. Please speak to someone, reach out if you are feeling this way.

You're done with him, and hopefully the Clare's law disclosures will be sufficient to keep him out of your child's life too.

Contact Women's Aid for advice and support, and take care of you and your little ones x

OP if you’ve coped with 3 you’ll be fine with 4. Get the teenagers to help as much as they can e.g. taking responsibility for their own lunches, maybe cooking dinner once a week each. They don’t need to parent but they can help you. Be honest with them about the relationship breakdown and show them how strong you are and how to put yourself first

OP it will be OK. How bad you feel now is temporary. Please reach out for support from anyone. If it was one of your children this had happened to you would want then to go to you for support, or one of your friends. You wouldn't blame them, you wouldn't think they're stupid, you'd want to help them and you'd be really proud of them for getting rid of the awful person who had done this.

That man deliberately set out to fool you. No abuser is abusive at the very beginning.

I agree with previous posts to contact Womens Aid, but if you need to talk to someone tonight please call the Samaritans. The number is 116 123 which is a free number and there's someone there to listen day or night x

That person's comment was terrible and uncalled for OP. Most people don't think in this way.

Try to stay strong. You can most definitely raise this baby without this scumbag in your life. You have experience being and mum and you know you can do this!

@ZoeSxx how are you feeling today? I hope the majority of the comments in this thread have offered you some peace. Look after yourself.
I'm also guessing by how far along you are your due around December time? I'm also 16 weeks pregnant and I'm part of a chat on here called due December 2024, please feel free to jump on, some wonderfully supportive women in there xxxxx

Hello Thankyou xx how do I join it where is it x
I'm not feeling good. Everyone's words helped me a lot I'm just very very sad xxxx

And yes I'm due New Year's Day xx

@ZoeSxx that's understandable, and you have to allow yourself time to be sad, your greiving a loss of what you thought was something it wasn't, just don't let it consume you, remember your worth and the reasons why it has to be this way and that it's no reflection on you as a person.

And if you look under the pregnancy page on here there is a thread called due December 2024 xxxx

I would personally abort because it would be easier all round to have him out of my life and better for the other children as looking after a new baby and any legal battles is stressful for everyone, I also wouldn't want a baby to tie me to him or be brought up in this set up with an abusive dad. I know I would feel very sad but it would be the kindest thing. You could just tell people you had a late miscarriage. If you are so low now that you are thinking of taking your life (and please don't!!!!) then the termination is a very valid and something I would choose because losing you in this way would devastate your existing children. The lesser terrible option in my eyes is to have an abortion, versus abusive man in your life, new baby stress and being tied to him and his family forever. Yeah it will be a huge loss to abort but in this situation I would say it's for the best and the greater good of everyone.

Ultimately this is your decision of course but I'm just saying what I personally would do in your shoes. Contact Womens Aid.

The way I see it, your duty is to the existing children and abortion is legal in the uk at this stage of your pregnancy. I would also not want to bring more children into a suffering and abusive situation.