Marriage gone stale?

[IsMayBefore]

Married 14 years, no kids.

Very stable financially, both work part time. He's 51, I'm 41.

If I say I'm upset about something, he says "don't feel that way". End of. He's caring, loves me, in his own way.

He doesn't ever plan any dates/activities, doesn't have friends, has lost touch with family. Will do 'whatever' but is never the organiser.

Sex is very dull, he hates oral (giving not receiving!) so I stopped it too, as felt it a bit unfair. He can still get a bit awkward around sex and make jokes which are such a turn off.

I feel like I should be so much happier than I am, even though I have zero stress in my life, I have no joy either.

What do you want OP?
You married in your twenties. We change alot in that decade.
Would you be happier without him? Do you want more passion?
If so tell him, he could up his game or you could separate.
You have money so you have options, many don't.

Definitely this! Communication is key here I think, and communicating in a way which doesn’t feel like accusing/blaming “I would love if it we could do xyz” for example.

A lot of your life is down to you. No activities planned by him etc. Some people don't like oral sex, for others it's a big thing. Do you always instigate sex?
You could try to spice things up a bit or would he not be interested? I have lots of friends who hate sex but try the washing machine trick. (you make a big thing of putting stuff in the drum, I'll leave the rest to your imagination!). Marriages can change. Mines 35 years plus and we've had our droughts. I've been very ill and nowts going on but I still love him.
Things can get better or you say I'm 41 and want more. Remember there are lots of shits and liars out there, especially in the 40+ age group. I hope this helps.

Am I the only one who has no idea what the washing machine trick is?

He doesn't sound loving and caring. His way, as you put it, sounds shit. He is selfish and dismisses your feelings. This is not loving behaviour. If you are unhappy, it is okay to demand that he change his ways or you walk. If he won't work on himself for the sake of your relationship, it is okay to leave.