DD16 ran off

[Orangesquash8]

As per title my dd has run off. I know where she is and I know that she is safe, but I am obviously stressed out about it all. Our relationship has been tense lately and there have been a lot of fights (mainly about her focussing on her school work) but I never expected her to pack up things and leave.
Its unsettling because she has gone to a friend of mine who she has known for about 10 years and while he has always been like a father to her in some ways I feel like this is just another stab.
I know that the most important thing is that she is safe but I feel so deflated right now. I have texted her that it’s ok and that I will give her some space, but I am really nervous about it all. Has anyone else been through the same and can you share what you did (and how not to react). The last thing I want to do is push her away further and I just want her to come home. It’s the first time she has done anything like this.

OK, deep breaths!

My daughter is 18 now so we're through the worst of it 😉

But at 16 she and her best friend were constantly (probably not constantly but it felt like it at the time!) moving in to each other's houses for a few days for a bit of a break when relationships got tense at home.

Her best friend's mum and I just used to message each other with "Yes! I'm the one winning at parenting this week!" type messages to keep in touch and to reassure each other than our child was safe. We both knew that the other would be hosting a distraught teen the following week.

If you trust this man and your daughter is safe, just think of it as its nice for both of you to have a bit of respite occasionally. And it's nice that she has someone she can trust to go to in times of AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!

It's hard being 16 and it's hard parenting one. She knows you love her. She just needs space right now

Like a father?

Are you absolutely sure about that?

Like a father? Are you absolutely sure about that?

My first thought too.

Why has a friend of yours been 'like a father' to her?

Your 16yo is staying with an unrelated man?

I don't know any decent grown man, any, who would be comfortable with an unrelated 16yo girl staying in his house.

Any decent man would understand that the optics of that is terrible. He'd want to protect himself from accusations.

I would be getting her home and staying with a family member or even in the family home whilst I got a Premier Inn room. I would not be letting my mid teens child stay with a male family friend.

Could be an ex partner of OP?

I too would be extremely nervous about my 16 year old daughter staying in the house of an unrelated adult male. Has ‘been like a father to her’ - really? A decent man would not allow this for one thing..

DD’s father has been completely absent from her life since she was 1 year old. I count him as a close and very reliable friend who is possibly a bit childish, and DD knows him well and sees him as part of family. Of course I dont like the idea but I’m glad that I know where she is. He is not overly happy to have her there either but didn’t want to send her away. My family is half way around the globe so this is not an option but I’m tempted to ask the parents of one of her friends if she could possible stay for a night but I don’t want to to behind her back now.

Her staying with your friend is a no from me. He should have brought her back home.

I would go and collect her. Tell her you don’t care about the school work.

A very close and childish adult male friend - it really, really doesn't look good.

If I were you I'd call the man and explain to him how inappropriate what he is doing is.

It's eyebrow-raising that it was his place she chose to go to, rather than a female classmate's house or similar.

I agree with you that the only thing that matters is that your dd is safe. This isn't it, though. This is tooting a deafening safeguarding klaxon.

She has run off to stay with a male friend of yours? HUGE red flags there OP. Why has he even let her through the door? That's utterly unacceptable.

Honestly, I'd call the police. This has grooming written all over it.

I would be dragging her home rather than let her stay with a male friend. I don't care how much you think you know him.

I agree. How are they even in touch? Do they message each other?

That is so inappropriate.

You need to get her home.

She’s home. Not talking to me but home.

That's good news, op. As you said, the most important thing is that she's safe.

I have a male friend who would take my dd16 in in a heartbeat. She would probably go to him too. I'm married to her father so no issues there but I trust my friend 100% and would be delighted that she had been sensible enough to contact him as opposed to anyone else.