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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel so trapped 😞

7 replies

SnappyShark · 30/06/2024 16:16

This is the first time posting so please bare with me.
I'm 37 married 14 years with 2 DS ages 15 and 13.
We own our home with a modest mortgage and both work full time. Sounds ideal but my husband is the problem.... he always has been. In the beginning it was so he would dissappear for days on end, couldn't hold down a Job, banned for drink driving you name it he did it. But I stayed 😔 just hoping it would ger better. Times moved on now he has a good ish Job pays his share etc. But I have zero respect for him. He drinks every night then passes out for about 8pm then is asleep and off to work in the morning. We have no life at all he thinks he is funny and loving when he is drunk but it's just annoying I have asked him to please stop and it falls on deaf ears. I know the answer will be to leave, I have no one to turn to or any place to go. I'm drowning in debt which he more than helped put me in and the mortgage is in my sole name. I can't sell without his permission as he has home rights. I suppose I'm not looking for a solution just to be heard. I feel like running away and never looking back but I cant my kids need me.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 30/06/2024 16:18

If you won't leave then accept this is your one life forever.

He is not trapping you. You are trapping you.

You can leave and while it is hard work it is vital and it will be worth it.

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/06/2024 16:18

You go and see a solicitor to find out the facts and the options open to you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/06/2024 16:22

You need legal advice in order to divorce this man and you will receive a financial settlement. What do you mean you cannot sell without his permission because he has home right ?. Has he told you this?. You have the mortgage here, he is not named on it.

Your kids need a life without an alcoholic in their day to day lives. He has harmed them as well as you to the point where you do not know which way to turn.

You have a choice re this man, they do not and one day they will leave home far sooner than later also if you choose to stay with him for your own reasons. Your relationship with them as adults is at high risk of breaking down here because they are seeing you as putting him before them.

Channellingsophistication · 30/06/2024 16:22

Sounds like you are understandably at your wits end.

Seeing a solicitor will help you feel in control and you can find out your options. Research for a good one in your area and call to make an appointment tomorrow. Then you can make a plan.

Flairswoo · 30/06/2024 16:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

StrawberryWater · 30/06/2024 16:39

Monday morning you go and find a good solicitor and file a cessation of home rights order. It'll take time but it's easy enough to do if you're separating and divorcing.

BMW6 · 30/06/2024 17:08

Your DH is an alcoholic.

You are not trapped with him. You can free yourself AND YOUR CHILDREN

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