Selfish OH? Would you be annoyed?

[Weddingbells6]

My OH leaves the bulk of childcare to me but I am aware that I could refuse to do these things or insist that OH steps up so I know I’m not blameless.

I would like to know if everyone would find this as frustrating as I do. Our children (7) were invited to a party today. It’s assumed I will take them, if I didn’t then I don’t think he would take them, he would just say they can’t go or whatever. I don’t really mind but sometimes when there’s couples there or one of our children is being hard work (autistic) I feel a bit sad that my OH just never even offers to come with us. Having said that, I can just about accept it and I understand he is introverted and has some social anxiety. However, it’s how ungrateful he is for how much I take the strain off of him. Today he was texting me (whilst I’m sat at a party on my own 😂) low key moaning about not being able to motivate himself to get on with anything and I felt really bitter and that I can do better. Twice now these past few weeks while we’ve been out at a party he’s sat and relaxed for 1-2 hours and then decided to go out and get something as we’re returning which seems seriously unfair when I’ve just solo parented our kids for a while only to return home to him gone. I told him today when he text to say he was leaving that it’s not fair to go out just as we’re returning home when he’s had 2 hours to go get what he needed. When I got back I said that it’s ridiculous that he can’t just be pleased that he gets some time to himself with no expectations or responsibilities instead of texting me like I should have some sympathy for him!

Would it bother you? I just feel like I deserve better than him tbh.

We take turns taking ds to parties. Then we both have free time..
Start doing this.

Nothing wrong with him having some time to himself, as long as you do too. So if he pops to shop for an hour when you're back, you then get three hours for yourself the other weekend day.

I agree it would be nice if he were considerate.

You mention an autistic child which makes me curious if your DH is ND as if yes he might need the social "contract" spelling out to him.

"It's assumed I will take them, if I didn't then I don't think he would take them, he would just say they can't go or whatever." That is NOT ok, OP. The goal of any true partnership is for each partner to have the same amount of free time and money to spend. Any other situation is unfair and unreasonable.

It sounds to me like he's completely checked out of family life.

I just wanted to update this here to say you were bang on with this comment. I don’t think he ever checked ‘in’ to family life. I came here to see what I wrote in the past to remind myself of how I felt the last 7 years! I didn’t really post a full explanation but not only did he never take them or accompany us to parties, he also never got up with them in the mornings even when I was working full time. I just don’t think he ever really grew up or saw himself as a family unit despite him repeatedly saying he’s a family man. I’ve left him anyway, there was an incident unrelated to this but this is a huge part of why I was unhappy anyway and actually reading that back is really quite indicative of how this final straw incident played out as well.