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Original poster

Is this weird??

28 replies

Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 15:52

Hey ladies, so basically I've been seeing this guy for 3 months we both have kids from previous relationships (my DS doesn't see his father, his father's choice) and he has 2 kids. They broke up 6 months ago. He still goes on days out with his ex and the 2 kids who are 6&9 which is nice for the kids I do get that but he has gone on holiday abroad with his ex and the kids, they booked it together 2 days ago and he told me their only going together because its the kids first time abroad and they wanted to experience it together. He also mentioned he'd stay over in her house when it's the kids birthday and Christmas eve/day. Do yous think this is weird?? He keeps telling me nothings going to happen but I'm uncomfortable with the whole situation to the point I'm thinking about ending things with him.

OP posts:
Orchidacea · 30/06/2024 15:55

I personally wouldn't like it. Too close for comfort, imo.

Rania78 · 30/06/2024 15:56

6 months is a really short time after a break up. Two people going together on holiday after 6 months separated and two young kids it’s highly likely they are trying to reconcile.

I think I would withdraw myself from the situation. If he has a clean break then ok. But it still looks like he is very much attached to her.

MummytoAAandX · 30/06/2024 15:57

I couldn't do that. I left my DH when my DD was 4 and I am now remarried. Myself and exdh have never gone a day out or holiday together with DD since we split up and we alternate Christmas. The only things we do together are parents' evenings and my DD has a dance show next week which we are both attending but that's it

Channellingsophistication · 30/06/2024 15:57

This is weird yes. It’s great to have a good relationship with ex for sake of DCs but to go on holiday, staying over at xmas etc - too much… he could be hoping to get back with her. Why did they separate?

Walking12345 · 30/06/2024 15:57

I think it’s nice to do things together eg have meals on kids birthdays but I think staying over or going on holiday is a step too far. What accommodation are they staying in? Very weird if they are sharing a room.

SamW98 · 30/06/2024 15:57

I’d say the fact he’d only been separated 3 months when you got together would be a red flag . Its too soon and there’s too much unfinished business and emotional fall out to process.

I went away with my ex and my DS after we serrated on a pre booked holiday but put strict boundaries in place (they shared the twin room I had the single) and neither of us were anywhere near ready to start dating at that point anyway.

Id walk away OP. Hes not ready to move on and you will likely be a rebound rather than a real relationship. Be very wary of getting involved with recently separated men.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 30/06/2024 15:58

I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. You’re right, it’s weird. I can understand going for meals out etc but not the other bits. Not fair on you.x

BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2024 15:58

Are they actually separated?

HowDidJudithSurvive · 30/06/2024 16:01

He is not ready for another relationship as he still has one foot in the door of his last one. I am friendly with my ex but we wouldn’t be going on holiday together.

Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:03

Walking12345 · 30/06/2024 15:57

I think it’s nice to do things together eg have meals on kids birthdays but I think staying over or going on holiday is a step too far. What accommodation are they staying in? Very weird if they are sharing a room.

Their in the same hotel room but he said there are 2 bedrooms and he's in with the son and the ex is in with the daughter but I'm just taking his word for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:04

HowDidJudithSurvive · 30/06/2024 16:01

He is not ready for another relationship as he still has one foot in the door of his last one. I am friendly with my ex but we wouldn’t be going on holiday together.

I was thinking this myself. They still text quite abit and go for meals out sometimes with the kids just for the sake of it. Very weird to me

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 30/06/2024 16:04

Just tell him to get that part of his life sorted out and then take up with you when he’s got his ducks in a row.

He’s messing you around (playing the happy families crap) and there’s a part of me thinks, as pointed out above, they might be trying to reconcile.

Toughen up OP. Dump him because I have a feeling he’s playing you, might not even be completely separated and if all goes well on hols, will dump you anyway.

Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:05

Channellingsophistication · 30/06/2024 15:57

This is weird yes. It’s great to have a good relationship with ex for sake of DCs but to go on holiday, staying over at xmas etc - too much… he could be hoping to get back with her. Why did they separate?

He said she cheated on him. But they broke up once then got back together for a little bit then broke up again.

OP posts:
Sweetvalleyhigh1234 · 30/06/2024 16:06

Op if it's genuinely for the kids then I would be more inclined to say it's OK but why does he need to stay over at Xmas and bdays.. can't he go back home? That's a bit odd.. I'm thinking it's only been 6 months are these two really over?? I think you have a right to be concerned and i get the impression you're all for it for the kids sake but at the back of your mind your wondering if that's what it really is about.. I would sit down and have a honest chat with him. Making it clear you're only issue is the boundary he has with the ex not the kids..if he can't see your side then I wouldn't bother after that.

Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:06

Rania78 · 30/06/2024 15:56

6 months is a really short time after a break up. Two people going together on holiday after 6 months separated and two young kids it’s highly likely they are trying to reconcile.

I think I would withdraw myself from the situation. If he has a clean break then ok. But it still looks like he is very much attached to her.

I know, that's what is going through my mind too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:08

PashaMinaMio · 30/06/2024 16:04

Just tell him to get that part of his life sorted out and then take up with you when he’s got his ducks in a row.

He’s messing you around (playing the happy families crap) and there’s a part of me thinks, as pointed out above, they might be trying to reconcile.

Toughen up OP. Dump him because I have a feeling he’s playing you, might not even be completely separated and if all goes well on hols, will dump you anyway.

I think your right. I'd have to end things over text though as he's away now and not back till the weekend and I can't wait that long. My mind is overthinking everything

OP posts:
Walking12345 · 30/06/2024 16:13

Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:03

Their in the same hotel room but he said there are 2 bedrooms and he's in with the son and the ex is in with the daughter but I'm just taking his word for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

I do know someone that did this but the holiday was booked when they were together & it was a Disney style holiday which needed both parents.
I wouldn’t like the level of involvement he has with his ex & think it’s very unusual.
A good co-parenting relationship where you can all be together is great for the kids but he’s taking that too far. It seems like one (or both of them) aren’t over the relationship.

TheShellBeach · 30/06/2024 16:15

Are you sure they've actually broken up?
I mean, are you an OW without realising it?

Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:18

TheShellBeach · 30/06/2024 16:15

Are you sure they've actually broken up?
I mean, are you an OW without realising it?

I don't think I am as when he calls me and his kids are their (they have set days & weekends who has the kids) they ask who's on the phone and he says my girlfriend then says my name. But I'm not 100% sure they are over each other now.

OP posts:
blacksax · 30/06/2024 16:20

Are you in Scotland then?

Original poster
Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:22

blacksax · 30/06/2024 16:20

Are you in Scotland then?

No, why?

OP posts:
Rania78 · 30/06/2024 16:28

Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:05

He said she cheated on him. But they broke up once then got back together for a little bit then broke up again.

Show quote history

Look, he is at that stage where he hasn’t completely detouched. He has two young kids and he is trying to sort out his feelings and decide what to do. I think better let him go. If you are meant to be somehow you will find each other.

Rania78 · 30/06/2024 16:29

Kaybayx · 30/06/2024 16:08

I think your right. I'd have to end things over text though as he's away now and not back till the weekend and I can't wait that long. My mind is overthinking everything

Show quote history

Yes text is fine. And fair for you tbh.
good luck. You are doing the right thing

AcrossthePond55 · 30/06/2024 16:54

It doesn't matter if it's 'weird' or not. He does have the right to decide what his relationship will be with his ex and DC and it's not your place to tell him to change it. You don't like his apparent decision and that's all you need to know. I expect most women would feel the way you do. The only thing to do is end the relationship.

GreyCarpet · 30/06/2024 17:17

I wouldn't have any part of that.

Irs up to them to choose how they manage their co-parenting relationship and it's up you you to decide and stick to your own boundaries.