Hi all who reads this,
I need a space to vent with no judgement please. I feel so embarrassed and heartbroken actually.
Bit of background.... I met a man who I thought was the love of my life, on a dating site, this was almost 18 months. However, I have known of him for 21 years we briefly dated when were were teenagers. I am a divorced single mum to two teenagers navigating life while working full time. Myself and my now ex did not live together. Well we agreed in April he was going to hand in his notice to his rental and he would move in with me but we ended up having an argument due to his flirtatious behaviour when we were out and he didn't give notice in the end, which was probably a good idea.
So there have been a few issues, when i met him he wasn't like the same person, he was so kind to me and i just felt so sorry that he seemed to have nothing, (really old shoes and clothes with holes in them) i then found out he had quit his job the month before we met, he said he was looking for work, so i helped him fill in application forms, took him to job interviews etc. almost a year later still no job I do not think he wants to work. He gets by doing odd jobs for cash. It is not a lot. He was eating at mine 3-4 days a week or his mums and then he would get by at his the other days. He has five children of his own to three mums, he does not see any of his children, although since being with me he has started mediation with the three youngest children's mum. It seems a long process. He gets on very well with my children as friends. His mum suggested he forget about his children and to move on with his life because their mum is so bad apparently i was disgusted by her comments but never let on. Anyway the issues we have had are he flirts with every woman we go out, or even neighbours, he has past drug addiction and smokes weed now he said since being with me i have made him want to be a better person. He has called me all the bad names you can imagine and is constantly accusing me of cheating on him. He told me he has never been faithful always left one woman to be with another basically never been single, He's been physical with me once which i told him i will not accept. I have suspicions he has messaged women on social media due to an anonymous message i received. It was his bday and leading up to his bday we had rowed didn't seem to be getting on, however we worked through it and i hate to say this but i spent hundreds on him for his bday, same at xmas and for valentines day because i just wanted him to have nice clothes and feel good. I was stupid. Now leading up to his bday going back to this row we sorted it out and id said something like you will split up with me after your bday because i just had a feeling he was using me, It always seemed he wanted something from me a tv when his broke, to come for tea, for me to put him on my car insurance which i didn't do. Like every aspect of his life needs sorting out. I just don't have the resources. Anyway celebrated his bday and two days later we had a disagreement nothing major, he basically hung up the phone and then sent me a message telling me never to contact him again. I was hurt so called him pathetic and said i will leave him alone. He has since blocked me on social media but not my number he's not contacted me. I spoke to him yesterday he hung up the phone again, then sent me a message telling me he is done with me and my mood swings. I just cant believe it. I loved him, i felt he was my best friend, but now i feel he has just confirmed to me that he was using me for material things, and i feel absolutely ridiculous and embarrassed with myself for falling for it i honestly feel like he love bombed me at the start and then withdrew throughout, I don't know what to do his radio silence is strange to me, and i feel bad for calling him pathetic i know putting the phone down is nothing but it felt like the final straw after everything i had done for him just a few days before. I feel hurt more than anything that my relationship has come to an end, that i cant seem to make a relationship work the men i meet always seem to flirt with other women or they do actually cheat. Why am i not good enough?