Love DH can’t live with him

[Downsyndromemum]

So been married for 9 years together for 13 and I love my DH so much but I just can’t live with him any longer.
He is the messiest , inconsiderate person I have ever met! He has some mental health issues but I’ve gone out of my way to help and assist him. But he loses focus very easily which leads to mess and jobs not getting done or finished! I health issues so I ask him to do certain things that I can’t and as he is supposed to care about me you would think he would do them! But nope , they either don’t get done at all or in 3-6 months of me asking him repeatedly.
it’s now affecting my mental health , causing anxiety etc. we have young children and it affects them also.
He willl be getting money from an inheritance soon , is it wrong to ask him to live elsewhere? Every day there is an issue or problem and I don’t want to split , but I also don’t want to live with him.

Sounds normal to me, my DH is pretty similar. If I try to say something I get looked at like I’m nagging, and get called controlling. Separate homes is the way forward.

Sounds like my husband too. Do you mean stay together but live separately? Only you can make the decision if your life will be easier or harder without him there. You say you have health issues and can't do some things, so who will do those things if your husband moves out? (I understand he's not doing them quickly or sometimes at all, just playing devil's advocate, will your life actually be better without him there?)

Does he have ADHD?

Yes stay together but live separately. He is great with all the fun stuff , but day to day responsibilities that go with a marriage, having a house and children not so much.
I would have to pay someone to do those things , which I have to do a lot of the time anyway. He also is extremely clumsy and heavy handed. So I could use the money I save from all the things he breaks or damages to pay for it!

He asked his Dr and he said the Dr said no.

Might be worth exploring further as he seems to be showing a lot of signs of it (I’ve got ADHD myself and I know I’m a nightmare to live with and certainly seem inconsiderate)

I health issues so I ask him to do certain things that I can’t and as he is supposed to care about me you would think he would do them! But nope , they either don’t get done at all or in 3-6 months of me asking him repeatedly.
I found it much more relaxing myself after my exh moved out and it was clear that all the jobs were now mine, so I was happy to do the things that annoyed me before because my exh could have done them too - but did not. It was a relief. But part of that relief came from not having to put up with my ex's shit at all, and not having any expectations of him as we were separated/divorced. I'm not sure it would have helped if we were still together; if he was visiting then going home to his own place without clearing up/cooking/washing up etc.
And if you need someone to help due to health issues, would it not be more effective to get someone in to do these tasks / to get a new partner to share tasks? Him not being there won't mean they get done better.

What would your DH say to that!? I'd be horrified if my DP wanted separate homes, it'd be the end for me. But then some folks love it.

😵‍💫