Upset at lack of 40th Birthday Effort.

[JRM17]

WARNING LONG POST. Please tell me if I'm just being petty but I'm sitting here on my 40th stewing over my hubby's lack of effort. So a bit of background - DH is 17yrs older than me and has 3 DDs from prev marriage and for his 50th (7yrs ago) while I was 8.5m pregnant with our DS I paid to fly 2 of his DDs and his grandson (then 3) to visit us (they live at the very north of Britain and we were living at the very bottom) I then drove the 5hr round trip to the airport to collect them (and can I just say I was Huge when pregnant) I then snuck them into the house and returned to work (DH and I worked at the same place so it took ALOT of planning to "go missing" for 6hrs during the work day (normal day was 11-14hrs). Anyway for the past 3 yrs all I've said about my 40th is that I want a Staffy (I used to have one and I was devastated when he died) every time DH has mentioned my 40th I've said I just want a Staffy. I'm not having a party or any big celebration and I didn't even mean he had to pay ££££ for one I would have been extremely happy with a rescue (the last one was a rescue) anyway I've woken up today to a bottle of Perfume and a card. AIBU to be a bit miffed??

Perfume is a shit birthday present so I can see why you’re miffed but a dog isn’t a birthday present so I think you’re being unreasonable.

A dog is a serious joint decision.

Apart from the fact that a dog is not a birthday present, you have to accept that some people don’t go overboard with presents in the way that other people do. My husband and I only do presents for people under 21. For my 40th I went to Thorpe Park as my husband asked our Junior School aged children where would be a good place to go!

Happy Birthday OP!

I hope the day gets better for you. If not, you'll have to plan something really amazing and lovely for yourself and your friends or other family soon x

Rather than be miffed, have a conversation. Ask about going to a rescue together?

This must be a wind up

A dog must never be a gift
No responsible breeder would ever let a dog go in these circumstances
A dog isnt an accessory in life

A dog shouldn't be a gift, and you shouldn't get a dog unless you both want one. But if he isn't on board, he should have said so when it first came up.

While it shouldn't be a gift, a birthday could be used as the start of the process you can hand over a card with the appointment details for the first rescue assessment or something. Even if he doesn't want a dog, he could have done some sort of dog theme which would acknowledge what the OP wants without getting an actual dog.

Hopefully he had some other surprise and the birthday got better.

To clarify a couple points... The 11-14hrs days were mine back when DH turned 50 (He did normal 9-5days) We both work different jobs now. We still have 1 dog a Border Collie who is 8, she was his choice as we have diff tastes in breeds. We also have a cat, and are collecting 2 rabbits for our son next weekend. We have a BIG garden which the dog has 24hr access to through a dog flap and she is never home alone more than 6hrs in one stretch. We have talked ALOT about the staffy and although they aren't his taste he has never said no and he loved the last one, from our current dog being 2 up until the last dog passed we have always had 2 dogs so they were company for each other.

So the perfume was the only gift? I really understand why you are pissed off ! I was hoping you would have had another gift later today.

I have 3 dogs and they were all 'presents'
Had them between 4 and 9 years. All treasured members of family.

Yes the perfume was the only gift. X