Christmas set up

[MummyDuet]

So, the short tale is this, my Girlfriend are in a loving , committed relationship. We have met eachothers children ( mine was do e via SD), hers with her now ex husband. They share a house together, alternating staying at the home when she or he has the children. This was so the children were in their home. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being selfish for feeling a certain way about this...
My girlfriend has told me that her ex will be staying at the home over Christmas. Including Christmas Evening n over night. She's stated that they will not be ( obviously) sharing the room..but its so that both can witness the two children wake up CEve. I feel alot about this, and although I understand that every parent wants to see that magical glow in the morning of, I don't understand why her ex needs to stay over. I suggested to my Girlfriend that maybe it'd be better for her ex to visit CE n CD but go home to his own bed in-between..but this was pushed out by my girlfriend. I'm hurt because instead of us spending time together over Christmas with our 'blended' family, its her n her ex as a 4 . I'm not expecting nor would i ever want my partner not to be with her children. As a Mum myself, I'd never want to wake CD without my boy...or not be the 1 to put him to bed CE..so I understand her wanting/needing to be with her children..its having the Ex husband staying, sleeping at the home they used to share together n in 1 respect, still do..I'm very torn emotionally. I love my girl dearly and I'm trying to fathom a way of dealing with what's to come so I'm supportive and equally not hurting when Christmas comes .

It's still June, and a lot can happen between now and christmas. However your partner has made it clear that she is happy with this arrangement, so it isn't up to you to try to change it. You can choose whether or not you want to remain in the relationship though. Does she consider you to be a blended family? From the first line in your post it sounds as if it's early days still.

Sounds like this is your first Xmas as a couple? which is too soon to consider it a blended family imo. Ex couples with kids often have family traditions that work for them as co parents, the more recent the break up the more coupley these seem to be..generally until new people come along and the traditions gradually change. The key word is gradually. Myself I'd be thinking, a few years

Surely the whole point is that BOTH parents see their children first thing on xmas morning, watch them open their presents etc. If that means the ex gets to sleep on the couch for one night in the year, that's hardly a threat to your relationship. If she can't avoid reigniting their relationship for one night, then you and her aren't going to last anyway.

As for being a blended family, all together on Christmas morning, I think you're expecting a lot. You've only been together a short while, and aren't a family yet.

I think you need to let it go. Her children's needs will (and should) always come first. She is being a decent & responsible mum. Plan a joint 'family' party for the 27th when you can all celebrate together.

I'm a SM (been with DH 10 years now so long time and no issues, get on fine with DSD's Mum etc) and I also wouldn't have liked this.

If this is their first Christmas while being separated it's kind of understandable, but then I do think that's too soon for you to be considering yourselves as a blended family. If it's been longer than that, then I think your girlfriend and her ex need to accept that being separated means they won't necessarily get to spend all of Christmas with their children, especially when new partners are on the scene. We alternate Christmas with DSD.

However, this line stood out to me:

I'm not expecting nor would i ever want my partner not to be with her children. As a Mum myself, I'd never want to wake CD without my boy...or not be the 1 to put him to bed CE..so I understand her wanting/needing to be with her children

You're understanding of the fact that your partner doesn't want to be without her children at Christmas, and not understanding that her ex has every right to feel the same, and that's not fair.

YABU. You're putting your wants before that of a lot of other people, as well as the needs children. I'd argue that the right to be with both parents at the special time of year outweighs your want to be with your partner - or more so, your want for your partner not to be under the same roof as her ex for a night.

How long have you been together? I don’t think it’s right to be upset that your girlfriend is putting her children’s father above your ‘blended family’ at Christmas. It’s presumably more important to her children to see their Dad than to see you and your kids. It also doesn’t sound like you actually are a ‘blended family’ yet? You’ve met the kids but it doesn’t sound like you are living together as a family? Your girlfriend is prioritising her children at Christmas, as she should be; once you have kids they are the priority and her children will obviously want to spend it with their Dad over their mums girlfriend. Maybe this will change in the future but right now that’s where they’re at. I think YABU to think your girlfriend should be prioritising you and your feelings over those of her children, frankly you’re being selfish if you can’t see why the kids would prefer the day with their mum and dad together over their mum and her new girlfriend.

Children come first. She and ex are happy with that arrangement. Lots do have that arrangement and it works well.

It seems its only you that isnt ok with it so you either need to get over yourself and realise they are co parenting well or leave

Your partner is putting her children first and it is very unfair of you to suggest that other arrangements for her children might be ‘better’. It’s up to their two parents to decide what is better for them, not a new partner who actually wants what’s better for themselves instead of the children.

If you can’t cope with this set up emotionally then walk away. Don’t try and change it so it works in your favour. If you’re worrying about this six months in advance it doesn’t sound like you have the confidence or emotional maturity to be able to cope with a relationship with someone who is a co parent.

Children should always come first.
Children waking up on Christmas morning is one of the best times of the year. The timing is dictated by the child, not the parents. I still remember the year we got to bed at 3am after building the presents and DD woke up at 4!
It's wonderful that your girlfriend and her ex can have a truly amicable co-parenting relationship that ensures their children can experience some of their best days all together. I don't think I could in that position.
Why would you want to deny her children that?