12 months into baby no2 - relationship going sour!

[theapp]

DC2 is 12 months. DC1 will start school in September.
Over the last 3/4 months I have been slowly starting to find my DH more and more irritating.
He's a good dad, hands on and helps a lot around the house, but for some reason I just find him a bore, I feel like because I can't show any enthusiasm for the football, right now I am unable to have a decent conversation with him.

He's lacking his usual oomph, he's done this before during locking when he was furloughed and I think he's feeling the pressure and relentlessness of the 2 kids as much as I am. But I feel like he has no empathy for my situation.
I work 3 days a week in a job that is basically full time. The work totally piles up for me in the form of about 50 emails on the 2 days I'm not in. On the 2 days I look after the kids I am totally exhausted by them.

I have become resentful and a bit jealous of DH working 5 days a week, and when he gets pissed off with the kids moaning at the weekend, I think, well at least he has me here whereas I have to deal with it on my own the other 2 days.

I am struggling with the fact that we are not getting on and we're irritating each other. We don't look forward to the weekends anymore and I'm obviously being negative because he's told me I'm moaning about everything. But to me he's being totally dull.

It's a shame because for the first 6 months of DC2's life we were in cloud nine, loving our little family unit, but now things feel very different.

Anyway, I am feeling like all this is a result of us finding the 2 kids very hard work right now, and I'm really hoping this will end.
Call me a miserable cow because I am one, but has anyone else been here and their relationship seen it through?

Hopeful bump!

Working three days and having the children for two sounds like a great balance to me. It’s a shame you’re wanting to be away from them five days a week. What are you struggling with on the two days you’re with them?

Do they have additional needs?

Going from 1 to 2 children really strained my relationship with DH. We were both exhausted and neither of us really appreciated the work that the other was doing. It has gotten easier as my youngest got older. I feel since they turned 2 that DH and I have been able to enjoy some more time together and are no longer just surviving. We have a date night once a month where we go out without the kids and try once a week to have the kids settled early so we can have some deliberate quality time together. It's still not perfect but I think it will get there. We both really want it to though and are both working at it. I think you both need to want it for it to work.

Don't be unkind!

Op sounds like you both need some time away from kids scheduled in. E.g. Saturday afternoon dh takes kids to park/soft play and you have 2 hours uninterrupted to watch tv/do a hobby.
In return Sunday morning you get kids up and go do the weekly shop and dh gets 2 hours. This might give you a little more bandwidth to engage with dh.

I am a single parent and also work 3 days and also find it hard with over stimulation but love the time the kids are in bed and I dont have to talk to anyone or have anyone need me.

It sounds like the OP has full time workload for part time hours and pay. It’s hard to fully engage with and enjoy your children on your days ‘off’ if you are also having to do work. I’ve also had this situation and don’t have a solution, other than now I’m on mat leave I’ve said I’m not going back to work on the same basis as before.

All relationships go through peaks and troughs, sounds like you're just in a bit of a dip. Resentment can build pretty quickly if you don't nip it in the bud with some honest conversations. How was the relationship before your second baby?