After being abused by Narcisstic family and going no contact having zero boundaries. In 2008 I met a scumbag and it still haunts me to this day.

[PinkSand]

I was a complete and utter idiot. I'm too kind for my own good too

On 2008 I met a recently divorced man. We went to a hotel together after the first date and had terrible, quick sex. We talked easily and I felt excited around him. He said he had his own business but it was about to close because of the divorce. He would call me every 10 to 14 days and we'd meet up, smoke a joint sometimes but always had sex either at a hotel or my house.

He had 3 small children up to the age of six. He introduced us after a few months. The children were raised to attack other children for no reason at the playground. Thankfully I didn't see them much at all

He stayed at my house more frequently and I enjoyed his company. I started to fall in love with him.

He asked me to tell him how I felt about him but I did not as he hadn't told me. Our sex was nice, I felt comfortable with him. He helped me clean, tidy and do some DIY around the house. He never financially contributed.

Eventually he stayed less and less. A Woman knocked my door looking for him and said she was his girlfriend. I was so hurt I'd been used. He was in hospital and asked me to visit him when this other woman was there also.

One day he came and he took a bag of things I thought belonged to him. He then said goodbye to me. Eventually I discovered he'd stolen my passport and various other items of mine.

I still feel such a fool. I still think about that time and how stupid I was. I really liked him.
I was so alone when I met him. He took advantage of me.

Was he a narcissist?

My car was also stolen during this time and I think it was his doing.

Why are you dwelling on this now? What has happened in your life since then?

Dunno if he was narcissist.

He was certainly a player and a thief and a vile man.

Narcissist is bandied about so much as to be meaningless. He sounds like a garden variety nasty piece of work who had no respect for you.

His children were taught to attack other children?! What on earth were their parents thinking?

Why did this other woman have your address? So he invited you both together to visit him in hospital? He's obviously a moral vacuum and didn't care about you.

Sounds awful OP, really hurtful and confusing. He also stole your stuff? Have you reported the stolen items? You need to report the passport in case he sells it on

This sounds like a boiling frog situation. I hope things get better for you soon.

It doesn’t really matter whether he was a narcissist He was a scumbag. The fact that you were always meeting up to have sex in hotel rooms should have been a red flag. (And his children being violent. )
If you’ve been raised in a family of narcissists though, you might have this ingrained thing of allowing people to walk over you. If there is a way of you getting therapy to understand your own behaviours and changing the way you respond to people trying to taking the piss, that would stand you in really good stead in future.

If you’re priced out of therapy I could only recommend constantly asking yourself ‘Is this OK’, how do I really feel about this’ etc in your interactions with people - particularly men.

Some people on here might be able to recommend some good books on building boundaries to protect yourself from getting involved with scumbags and recognising what is sinister behaviour.

Don’t feel bad about it, if you grew up with narcs you’ve probably been raised to minimise your own needs and feelings which means you get taken advantage of. But do start practising self love, identifying what you want and don’t want, have boundaries, and protect yourself from assholes.

Actually one book that might be helpful is the subtle art of not giving a f*ck.(Mark Manson). It’s not a deep dive into narcissism or anything, it’s just more helpful in recognising the need to have and enforce boundaries.