Asking women who have never had an orgasm (primary anorgasmia)

[MuchTooHotHere]

Although I'm an occasional user of MN, I've set up a new account for this. I'm not giving or asking for any explicit discussions. I did think about posting in AIBU for traffic, but hopefully this will get some readers.

I've never had one, ever, solo or partner. I would like to emphasise that I'm not looking for advice on things to do or try. I've been there done that. I'm fit, healthy, no medical issues, have has 2 long term relationships, not gay/bi, but am currently single (my own choice as I wanted to relocate for a career opportunity).

Anyone in the same boat as me? Any advice to share on these questions (as mentioned above I'm not looking for advice on new things to try, etc.)

My questions are:

1. Did this impact your relationship with your M partner? I think it did a little in my last relationship.

1. How did it make you feel about yourself? I'm generally happy with who I am, I'm conventionally considered attractive, very good career, etc. but this sometimes makes me feel as if I'm missing out or something is wrong or broken (but overall I am happy)

1. Am I alone with this problem? I know I can be, but it's something I've never heard from a friend in real life.

If you are in the same boat as me I thank you for any insights. This is not something I've discussed in real life.

Hey there. So my situation isn't quite the same but I've never had one through penetration. I understand that's pretty common and I also believe your situation is quite common as well so you aren't alone in this. I think it does bother my husband and has bothered previous boyfriends but they don't say it. It's not their fault just like it's not my fault... it's just the way it is at least for now. There was some S A in my childhood and I feel like I haven't gotten over it and this is what holds me back, however, I can and do get pleasure from intimacy so it's not something that bothers me too much. In your situation I might find it more difficult to deal with but still I think it's better to be optimistic, I hear a lot of women say sex in their 40s 50s and 60s is way better than in their 20s and 30s so things can always change. I hope they do for you (and me too)!

@sunflowrsngunpowdr Thanks so much for your reply :) I think I might copy the post to AIBU for some more traffic.

Hi OP,

Not quite who you're asking for but I'm a man who's partner of 17 years had never had an orgasm.

When me and DP first started going out, I saw it as a challenge to overcome. Her parents had passed on some quite conservative opinions on sex, so she'd never really masturbated growing up. She'd bought a rabbit after she moved out but couldn't orgasm so lost interest.

As a result I assumed she probably could orgasm but hadn't worked out how to, so saw it as a problem to solve. Over the first couple of years we were together I encouraged her to masturbate, bought different types of toys, researched new techniques etc.

This was very much the wrong thing to do, and led to one of only 3 blow up arguments we've ever had. I'd made it about my own ego, and actually made DP feel pressured.

So yes, if your partner is a bit of an idiot like me, it can affect relationships.

Obviously I'm less qualified to answer your other questions, but no, you're not alone. DP has told me she sometimes finds sex frustrating, as she gets all the build up but not the release at the end. It's probably meant sex has sometimes been less frequent for us than it would have been if she could orgasm.

A year ago, that would have been the end of my post, however last year DP started getting perimenopause symptoms. And along with them came the sudden ability to orgasm! I won't lie, I'm a bit worn out, and I've noticed a lot of suspicious excuses to get me and DD out of the house so DP can spend some time alone.

Weirdly, from my perspective not much has changed. DP has always had physical reactions that in any other woman I'd assume was an orgasm, but she'd go straight from enjoying the build up to "too much, too much, get off me!". The physical reactions don't seem to have changed, but she says the "too much" has now become intensely pleasurable for a period before it really becomes to much.