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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh Bollocks. I'm an arse and DH is a double arse, and we've been arsey with each other for over 24 hours. How to break the deadlock without losing face?

25 replies

AdamAnt · 09/04/2008 21:55

OK - I've been feeling ill (horrible cold, terrible hacking cough, plus hideous period) for the last week, and the DCs have also been ill and irritating.

DH has been totally bloody unsympathetic (which isn't really like him). He's been coming back late for lunch and supper (we all eat together, and the DCs are tired and ratty if he gets back late). I asked him for cough medicine yesterday and specified that I needed the strongest stuff available, and he got some shitey stuff because he couldn't be bothered to queue at the pharmacy bit in Tesco. I asked him to change DS's nappy this morning and he didn't do it, and wasn't even remotely apologetic about it.

OK. I'm writing this and I'm aware that I sound like a wanker cos tghey are such minor quibbles, BUT I'm fucking tired and ill and his attitude has been twatty.

Soooo, I've been sulking massively since yesterday. DH has mostly been ignoring me, but when he got home this evening he semi-apologised (tried to hug me in a 'you know you want to' sort of way), but kept making jibes to the DCs about 'Mummy being in such a strop' etc. Basically I just felt like he was wanting to smoothe things over, but didn't actually give a shit that I've been feeling ill or recognising that he could have been more supportive.

So I rejected the apology I told him how I felt, and resumed sulking.

However, we need to talk about various urgentish things (mainly finalising a holiday booking) and he has stormed off to bed saying 'cancel the holiday, I don;t want to spend time with you'

What do I do now? I'm still pissed off, but I's hurt that he wants to cancel the holiday, and I still think he's been a wanker about me being ill.

(If you've made it through this incoherent rant, thank you!!)

OP posts:
policywonk · 09/04/2008 22:00

I think he's being a bigger arse than you are, on the basis of this. An apology isn't worth much if it isn't sincere, is it?

Perhaps there's something on his mind - work troubles?

Sorry, I have nothing constructive to suggest - long-term sulking is pretty much my only relationship strategy.

beansontoast · 09/04/2008 22:01

oh helllo!!!...that exchange could have happened in my house.

with teh luxury of distance...i would suggest you drop it..dont lock horns...just get into bed for a snuggle and do the talking tomorrow.

oh such easy advice to give

best of luck ol bean

Twiglett · 09/04/2008 22:02

I assume a blow-job would be out of the question then

beansontoast · 09/04/2008 22:02

oh and you dont sound like a 'wenkar'

Twiglett · 09/04/2008 22:03
AdamAnt · 09/04/2008 22:03

Twiglett

lol

OP posts:
Dior · 09/04/2008 22:04

Message withdrawn

beansprout · 09/04/2008 22:04

What about not seeing it as losing face, but being the most grown up and claiming the moral high ground?

That's what I do!!

Dior · 09/04/2008 22:04

Message withdrawn

HereComeTheGirls · 09/04/2008 22:04

I wouldn't discuss ANYTHING while kids and you are ill, my DD is sick at the moment and its hard enough getting through it and very easy to just snipe and bicker with each other..you need to pull together..then fight with him when you are all better IMHO

HereComeTheGirls · 09/04/2008 22:08

and yes, I agree, he doesn't want to cancel the holiday, he is just having a wee strop!

AdamAnt · 09/04/2008 22:08

I was honestly bracing myself for a MN chorus of "WENKAAAARRRR".

Thanks you lot

I feel more inclined to go up and snuggle (in a claiming the moral high-ground kind of a way).

OP posts:
beansontoast · 09/04/2008 22:10

< yo twig ...you are right..i am not on so much these days..whcih is a bit to do with having a baby,and ALOT to do with no longer having to produce coursework on college computers taht also have internet access.

i am fine thanks.i read a comment of yours teh other day and spat my tea out laughing...something about ''oh no! now you have to throw th e kids away''...laughing now infact>

Twiglett · 09/04/2008 22:14
Dior · 09/04/2008 22:14

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 09/04/2008 22:17

the other thing is the more you snuggle the more likely you are to infect him with the lurgy mwahahhahahahahaaaa

Dior · 09/04/2008 22:18

Message withdrawn

S1ur · 09/04/2008 22:18

Aw sorry for you mate.

When you're ill its crap and you do need everyone to be extra nice.
Yes dp being an arse yep sulking is arsey too. Maybe he is coming down with something to?

Right The Plan,

Objectives:
To get an apology from him.
To feel happy and loved up again.
To encourage him to ply you with drugs and tlc.


Approach with sniffles and tissues and say I'm sorry I'm poorly and look like a drippy nosed freak. I understand why you wouldn't want to spend time with me. Are you okay? You look a bit peaky too. Maybe it is best we shelve the holiday? Did you really mean that you don't want to be with me?

Cue, apologies and cuddles and once satisfied with that you say....

My throat/head/eyeballs really hurt. Which is a shame because we could have had great make up sex. Do you think paracetemol and really strong medicine would help?

Cue strong drugs.

AdamAnt · 09/04/2008 22:24

lolol

Now you see this is bad because you're all making me laugh and I have no incentive to go up and snuggle turdbrain DH.

You need to be horrible to me so that I run upstairs to snivel in his arms and tell him what a bunch of witches you all are.

OP posts:
beansontoast · 09/04/2008 22:24
beansontoast · 09/04/2008 22:25

sorry for hi jack

go and snuggle...you will only be tried tomorrow and all this goodwill will be a distant memory.

chop chop!!

taliac · 10/04/2008 01:00

He's in a strop because he tried to make up and you didnt want to. He doesnt really mean any of it but its one of those situations where nobody can possibly win. So if it were me, I'd just pretend none of it ever happened and go and give him a cuddle and start fresh tomorrow. If he brings it up say "what oh that, no i was just ill don't worry about it"

AdamAnt · 10/04/2008 08:46

Well I went up for my reconciliatory cuddle and he ignored me

I woke up this morning knowing that we had spent the night as far apart on the bed as poss.

But then DS woke up and he went off and changed his nappy then came back and v sheepishly said he was sorry for being a knob, and we hugged and everything is cool again.

Yay! Holiday is back on.

OP posts:
HereComeTheGirls · 10/04/2008 09:44

Result!!

Dior · 10/04/2008 18:56

Message withdrawn

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