DP (soon to be DH) keeps making comments about me not working.....

[annoyedsahm]

I dont think it bothers him that I am a sahm to two boys 5 and 1 (so not got it easy by no means!) But tonight we have had a row, im on the couch and even though Ive been here calming down i still want to put hi shead through the nearest wall

We had a row, he said something and it hit a nerve, we argued and he said "go to work and learn how to be normal"

So i asked him was he saying Im not normal because I dont work... He grunted.

Quite often says I dont udnerstand how work is nowadays, ok 5 years isnt that long to be out of work and I havnt been at home sitting on my arse i have been looking after our boys.

So now apparently Im gonna live off my tax credits and hes gonna pay me for looking after the boys.

not so sure I want him to be my DH now if hes gonna keep throwing it in my face that i dont work.

it sucks doesn't it.

dp throws this in my face every time we have a row too, even though he's been out of work for almost 3 years of the 6 we've been together

the only experiance i have is bar work which is a little hard to work around 2 young kids and i couldn't take pt work while he's on the dole as they stop paying him (tried it 2 years ago and we ended up with no money for xmas)

hoping to get a course now that he's gotton on a really good fas course but it's hardly going to happen overnight and he's started making comments almost daily about me needing to get work or a course.... as if it hasn't taken him 3 years!

no advice i'm afraid, but lots of sympathy

Dont get me wrong DP is a good worker, gets promotions pretty quick ect.. got one just last week after being in his new job for 5 weeks...

But at home he does absolutely jack shit

Message withdrawn

Sounds like it does bother him, at least a little bit.

I think a weekend of looking after the boys and trying to do housework whilst you swan off out of the house may make him realise that going to work is actually easier!

I am a sahm with 2 boys 5 and 2, and I am lucky that I have the full support of my Dh who is fantastic.

I do think that some people think being home is a doddle.

Maybe you should ask him who it would be picking up the eldest from school and the youngest from nursery/childminder if you were to return to work. Plus what would you do about the summer holidays when he would surely have to take time off to look after the boys as no job comes with that many holidays unless you are lucky enough to get term time work.

Sometimes a reality check is needed. My Dh knows that he can dedicate time to his job because I am here to look after our boys. He has a successful career because he doesn't need to leave early to pick them up, or take time off to look after them if they are poorly (chicken pox was a killer and if I had been working we would have had to split the time off between us)

You being home enables him to get the promotion because he is committed to his job.

I did work part-time for a while after DS1 was born and we juggled childcare pick ups between us, it was stressful.