Has my husband done anything wrong or am I being sensitive ?

[Abitconfusedaboutcheese]

Can anyone clarify if he’s done anything wrong or why I feel upset with husband? Might just be me feeling weird and no lines have been crossed so please tell if if I’m being unreasonable.

My daughter got a new headteacher at school. Previous one wasn’t great and lots of problems. Our daughter has some SEN needs so my husband booked a meeting with the new head. He ended up chatting with new headteacher and discussing not only our daughter but what the parents thought of the school and to help change it around. These meetings started happening quite regularly (1-1 in her office maybe once a month) always about our daughter but then just general chats about school and she would gossip and tell him things that crossed the line about the school. Anyway he said he’d join the governor to help change the school around. He’d give her lifts home (she’d ask him) from the meetings and again she told him gossip or things about the school that you wouldn’t tell a parent. Sometimes he or she would phone each other about the meetings but it was also friendly and chatting about other stuff after the meeting chat.

Its made me feel weird- like he’s got a confidant in another woman, she’s recently divorced, and I find it uncomfortable. Maybe it’s normal for a woman to ring a man and chat? Always under some reason to do with a meeting or school but then goes on to other things.

I told him it was making me uncomfortable, we have our girls at the school and she’s the head teacher and I just felt she might have thought there was something more to it. Husband said it was to get the best help for our daughter and to help the school but I can’t help feeling something is off. No affair or anything.

Anyway- there’s a position going at the linked school and husband and I spoke about me applying. He then asked the head about me applying in a message. She’s ignored him since. I asked DH if she’s responded and he said no because I think I’ve spoken about you and she’s gone weird as he wondered if she thought there was more to it. It’s make me feel so upset and horrible.

have I been stupid? I feel like a pit in my tummy. I said to DH why would you let someone think something was going on, what impression have you given to her. I feel stupid. My girls are both at the school. DH says he can talk to anyone and he’s not done anything wrong.

please can anyone give me advice thank you

this new headteacher?

is also very very shit and unprofessional

FGS telling a parent “gossip”

Exactly! DH would tell me things she’d said that’s confidential and over stepped the mark hugely . I found that really odd. She’s very open though and it is her mannerism

Sounds like an emotional affair, he likes the attention and she thought it would end up as a full affair.
He has behaved badly and she has behaved even worse by having an inapporopriate relationship with a parent of one of her pupils

this is multi-faceted odd.

Well she clearly fancies him and has got the hump because your DH has said ‘Hey, can you help my wife?’

She sounds unprofessional and he seems either naive or thick. I would take this opportunity of her being in a piss with your DH to cut communication. He’s misread the situation. He needs to knock it on the head (pardon the pun).

Op this is the second post you have made. I would ask for one to be removed

Thanks to how do I do that- I posted on the wrong group at first so moved it … rubbish at this stuff 🤦🏻‍♀️

That is extremely weird. Is he still on the board of the governors?

i don’t believe this is the first thread you’ve ever made about your marriage op

Report the other one I think.

I said in the other post

By your husband's response I don't think he was doing anything untoward.
The head though, yeah that wasn't innocent

It’s weird yes- a bit more background. It’s an overseas school- we live abroad, it’s very small. New head moved her and didn’t know anyone. Came to the school which was left a mess by previous head and lots of parents had problems with it so he felt could chat and tell the new head .

I would say your husband was being naive in his dealings with the school and new head teacher who is unprofessional and overstepped boundaries, for whatever reason.

To put in a different angle:

If he’s a governor he will be told things that you wouldn’t tell a parent.
Asking about a job for you put her in a difficult position because it’s a conflict of interest.
If it had been a male head would you still be worried?

She possibly thinks he was being nice to her to get you a job and feels used.

To quote your post Op-
'asked DH if she’s responded and he said no because I think I’ve spoken about you and she’s gone weird as he wondered if she thought there was more to it. It’s make me feel so upset and horrible.'
This to me makes little sense. What does he mean by 'she thought there was more to it'?
You applied for a job somewhere, it's nothing to do with her.
If your worried about an EA then you need to sit down for a serious discussion.

It's possible that your DH motivated to help your DD had honest intentions, but this lady has built up a bit of a fantasy around his friendliness, and he's gone and burst the bubble by asking her to do something for you, his wife, who has no place in the fantasy. He needs to distance himself sharpish and both of you need to hope that hurt feelings don't lead to retaliation against DDs.

If he's a school governor you'd expect the head to be able to speak with him in confidence and share details you wouldn't share with 'any parent'.

To be honest he's betrayed his duty of confidentiality by then passing the details on to you...

Yes this is exactly it. He said he didnt even consider she would feel this but wonders if she does and that’s why she hasn’t replied to him . But I’m thinking why would she think that? What’s he done to give that impression

He doesn’t tell me anything as I’ve told him not to but before he was a governor he did, she used to say all sorts about parents etc and things going on in school. I understand now he would need to know as a governer but it was before

She was hoping it would lead to more and him talking about you taking a position at the school threw cold water on that.

I fully agree - but what I’m worried about is has he done anything to give her that impression? I always know there’s no smoke without fire type thing. I mean she’s 15 years older than him but not unattractive or anything like that. But I think his friendship led her to think there could be more or equally asking about the position for me (in the linked school under her umbrella) made her think oh he has a wife he’s with type thing.

I would be a bit suspicious of this. Seems to me like they've been playing hide the sausage