Husband addicted to porn

[Samk79]

I've recently found out my husband of 5 years is addicted to porn. It's not just watching it though. He goes on sites where he messages women directly and pays for them to do stuff.

I found a message on his i pad this week which our son was using messaging a women asking if she was free.
In the past he also messaged an escort when he was away working. He always says he has never met anyone and it's just something he has always done.

I've always known he did this in the past but didn't realise the extent of it. He says he even used to call the sex chat lines when he was at work.

He has messaged a counsellor about getting some help but I'm just not sure I can forgive.

My first husband was a serial cheater and left me for the woman he had an affair with.
My husband knows everything I went through with my ex.

The way I feel right now, I just want to walk away from my marriage but not sure I can go though another break up 😢

Do you think he can stop? Does he really understand how unacceptable it is? He's cheating, absolutely. He's engaging in sexual activity with other women. Do you think he is able to own that and work on himself? You don't have to stay with him while he does that. Give yourself some space and time to think. Only you know if you can come back from this, but please don't stay if you really think you can't it's just not worth it.

Well you knew he used to do it so what's changed? Is he getting much sex at home or is this his only release? It's definitely better than cheating.

No it isn't.

I’m sorry but this husband is also a serial cheat.

As hard as it is I would have to end this relationship. He doesn’t sound capable of change.

A counsellor is going to make no difference whatsoever. But it's not cheating, it's more interactive porn.

He won’t change his behaviour, I am speaking from experience. You just have to decide whether you can live with it.
Porn isn’t a problem unless your partner is addicted and doesn’t look to you for sex at all. The wife/ partner of a porn- addicted man always feels “less than”. Not a priority. Not important. Your relationship is not a joint enterprise. And it slowly corrodes your partnership.
I stayed, but the resentment and bitterness is always there. The only question is whether your needs are satisfied. If so, then there’s no problem

We will have to disagree on the definition of cheating. Calling women up for sexual activity is definitely cheating in my world.

If his phones escorts of course he has cheated. His a sleaze bag. How could you get over this. I doubt he would ever stop anyway he would just get better at hiding it. Why didn't you take heed when you knew he was doing this stuff from the start ? The writing was on the wall. You need to get out

I didn't know the whole truth until now, he told me he stopped doing it and stupidly believed him. It's only now he has opened up and told me the truth

He's not addicted, he just wants to continue doing it.

If he wanted to stop he would have already done the counselling, etc. that he has persuaded you he needs.

Saying he's addicted is just an attempt to absolve himself of responsibility - 'It's not my fault, I can't help it, I have an addiction'.

It's bollocks.

I can practically guarantee that there's more than you've found / he's told you about

I know someone in a similar situation even two partners leaving him has made zero difference

Yes, I'm sorry to say I agree with this. And I really am sorry OP. It sounds like you've been through a lot. If he has messaged a sex worker, he's slept with a sex worker. I'd stake £500 on it. I pity women who write things like "I caught my partner messaging an escort, but he swears it's the first time and that he had no intention of meeting her." No, it wasn't the first time. What are the chances that the first time he does that (and let's be honest, if you're texting a sex worker, you are going to be super careful to cover your tracks), he gets caught?

I'm always suspicious of men who go to strip clubs as well. It's just so bizarre. Why on earth would you pay money to be sexually aroused without any satisfaction at the end? No one wants sexual tension. It's a horrible sensation – like being thirsty or hungry. Men who visit strip clubs are getting sexual relief as well – somehow or other.

Definitely not.

My wife went to see the Magic Mike show in London and Vegas are you telling me that she went to bang a dancer 😂