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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with this?

6 replies

branchesareblack · 29/06/2024 07:29

So a while back I found out accidentally that my husband would look at women online. He would come In From work eat the dinner I made, I would then shower/sort kids out while he sat down stairs the whole time looking at porn/women/social media, all the time not helping with anything and ignoring me. I found this out by accident, I wish I hadn’t but did. I was devastated by this. Before anyone says I was a sahm had none of own money, had access to money but not enough to leave. Recently I have noticed we will be in the car or together out of the house and he will just be staring at women, he isn’t doing it discreetly it’s obvious. It’s making me feel like shit as I don’t get looked at, touched, had sex with for a few weeks (have offered bjs incase he’s tired not taken up on them). How to feel less shot about my self?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/06/2024 07:33

Are you working yet?

StrawberryWater · 29/06/2024 07:40

Make plans to leave. Get a job if you haven't already.

branchesareblack · 29/06/2024 08:03

I am working but don’t earn much that will change in a few months but currently don’t earn even £1000 a month

OP posts:
jubs15 · 29/06/2024 09:12

Do you not call him out on this disrespectful behaviour? It would be bad enough for him to be doing it behind your back, but carrying on like this while you're literally sat next to him is completely out of order. Would he be happy if you behaved the same way?

branchesareblack · 29/06/2024 10:20

jubs15 · 29/06/2024 09:12

Do you not call him out on this disrespectful behaviour? It would be bad enough for him to be doing it behind your back, but carrying on like this while you're literally sat next to him is completely out of order. Would he be happy if you behaved the same way?

I do call him out but he says he isn’t staring at women and just looking in that direction, ok fine but he isn’t it’s only when a women walks past. The other day we were in a que and he followed a women with his eyes as she walked past. I fed a bit gas lighted and worn down. I feel totally I attractive and want to feel good again.

OP posts:
MyNewNewlife · 29/06/2024 10:30

What an arsehole he is!

First and foremost you need to get to the point where you can see him as just that.. an utter arsehole who has no regard for you. He just doesn't care enough. While you come to terms with that fact take a good look at yourself and recognise all the good stuff about you. Hard working loyal capable committed mother...

When you see yourself from a truly positive lense, you will be outraged at his fuckery and start making plans for the life you want... ( quick tip: write that stuff down)

When you are outraged at his fuckery and you know you deserve better, you will insist on better, if he cant do better, hopefully you will tell him to go fuck himself.

This can take a while, or not.

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