What would you do?

[Nightswimmer80]

Two years ago I had a medical procedure that went wrong and has left me house bound and almost entirely bedridden. I've been with my fiance for twelve years and all was fine until two years ago. Last weekend I discovered he'd been getting a bit too friendly with a married woman from work. I was suspicious and checked his phone, very difficult as he rarely leaves it alone. I found roughly ninety texts between him and her beginning the start of May. Apparently they'd been having chats every day at work (she's part time and only there for two hours a day). They had both ended their texts with a X. When I confronted him on Monday he admitted it but said it was his fault and he'd fallen for her! He'd also given her an Easter egg and birthday gifts and a card for her birthday last weekend. Her husband also discovered this and was rightly not pleased.

My fiance has been off work this week and I had suspicions on Tuesday after I couldn't reach him by text or call when he was out. I decided to phone her as her number was in my fiance's phone. Originally I couldn't get through but tried again and ended up talking to her for 25 minutes. She sounded very nice and said she's been backing off for several weeks as she didn't want to lead him on or lose her husband, who sounds fantastic.

I managed to get him to delete all their texts and last night calmly asked him to delete her number from his phone, which he very reluctantly did, then spent the next hour or so shouting and swearing at me.

Also I discovered he'd written a letter to a nurse he'd seen a few times at the hospital when having check ups, asking her out!! He said they had chemistry. His mum knows all about this situation and told him it was a bad idea so he threw the letter away allegedly.

We had never had an argument before my health problems but since this happened he's been horrible to me. I have been suicidal for two years and now this. He's also said about putting me in a home! I think he just wants rid of me.

Sorry this is so long I have no one irl to talk about it with.

I think you need to accept the fact that your relationship needs to end. It's not working and you can't trust him.

Unfortunetly it sounds like time to let the realtionship go.
He is moblie and life contuines for him.
Your life has changed and trying to stay in a unhappy relationship is not a good idea.
Perhaps have a talk and accept it is time to move on.
Do you have people you can get out and have contact with?

It sounds like he is actively seeking attention outside of your relationship and a soon as you think you’ve extinguished one fire, another one will start. Him being mean is probably him wanting to end it so he doesn’t have to.

I'm sorry OP but it's over. For your sake tell him to go and take time to heal yourself from this grief.

Stay strong and in time you can have a happy life

He's clearly not happy and your circumstances have changed. Time to let him go.

I've been house bound for two years now, I can barely function, it's been two years of hell with this health problem, I'd rather be in a wheelchair it's that bad. Been thinking more about ending things as this is not going to get better, barring a miracle.

I think you've had shitty replies. It's not about whether or not circumstances have changed. They have. It's about the fact that someone who is supposed to love you and be committed to you is sneaking around behind your back rather than talk to you about how difficult these circumstances are for the both of you. I dare say that both of you wish the medical procedure hadn't gone wrong. You're entitled to feel let down. By the medical profession and by him.

I'm sorry you feel so low. Understandable, considering your health problems and now the revelations about your husband's unfaithfulness. Can you get counselling? You really need a lot of support right now, to get through this tough period. There are many people with compromised health living full and happy lives, but you need to put yourself first and surround yourself with good people. Tap into whatever resources are available in your area. All the best.

Ltb
Or should I say CTBO chuck the bastard out.
You heard it here first
CHO chuck him out even

Incredibly sad to read, the problem is that most people are not saints, they are just plain old human beings and it is not in the majority of people to be anything other than selfish and without empathy. Its human nature to ask 'how does this situation affect me' before even considering another. Of course people do exist that rise above the self to support and empower the people around them who need it, but I do not think your fiance is one of them.

Sure he was fine during the good times, but people show their true color when the bad times come, and this is his true color. If you were the person you were before, I am sure he would be fine, but knowing what you now know, that is not much help.

Easier said than done, when you feel the way you do, but let him go, the last thing you need at the moment is to be around an immature mummies boy, everything you need to get through this is within you, you already have it, if it is not within you, it was never really yours anyway, it can be taken away from you, you can't put weight on it, but you can find the strength and determination to see this through yourself without being distracted or deflated by those that should be supporting you.

Solitude can be scary, especially in trying times, but once you find that inner strength to try and deal with the situation, no one can take that away from you.

Pointless being angry at him, or even disappointed, he deserves only pity, because one day, when you have got out of this, and your inner strength and determination has increased, he will probably come crawling back, and his decisions during this bad time will probably haunt him forever.

Good luck.

I'm so very sorry for your situation. It sounds like he is moving on and you deserve better. Being around someone behaving like he is is it going to make you feel worse. He needs to go.

Many relationships are complicated by health issues and they still flourish but he is unable to do this.
Get rid of him. You deserve better.

Consider this; your health problems are being affected by the stress your partner's nasty behavior causes. It could be that you will only start to improve if he is gone.
I know people who have recovered from something when they thought they never could, just by getting out of a terrible relationship.
Talk to your doctor about whether stress is a factor.

Keep in mind that he may possibly be made to pay for a caregiver for you if you split up if you are considered common law married. I don't know the law in your area. You need a lawyer to sort that out. I can't imagine he is much of a caregiver himself. So how much would you really lose if he was gone? Even if you have to rely on government support for your needs, at least you will not have to put up with his abuse, which is worsening your depression. It sounds like he is going to leave you eventually anyway. But don't let him lie about why it ended. It's a pity he erased those texts. They were evidence of what he's been up to. Can you record him shouting at you without him knowing? If you have proof of abuse, it might give you leverage to get a financial settlement out of him by threatening to expose him as an abuser if he doesn't pay you what you need. Find a lawyer and discuss your options. I really don't think you are safe with this man. He may become physically abusive as well as verbally and emotionally. Make sure people know about this. Tell your family what's going on. Tell the people at your local domestic abuse shelter.

I understand something of what you're going through. I had to leave a marriage while I was ill. I didn't think I could manage, which is why I stayed longer than I should have. I was suicidal at the time myself, for years. I'm not suicidal anymore. Leaving him lifted that much stress off me.

Are you bedridden 100% of the time? What is the prognosis? Can your condition possibly improve with better health care treatment? These are important factors to consider. Please don't harm yourself and feel free to message me if you need support. ♥️