Partner away for 2 nights

[BigBabySmallMum]

AITA?
I’m in a bit of a situation and I don’t know how I should feel/think about it so can you please weigh in w opinions ?
I have 2 kids - a 4yr old and 4 mth old EBF.
my partner is going for 2 nights away which is best part of 3 days.. basically for a drinking session. says he should be able to do things w out the kids like he used to. fine. But does it need to be a whole wkend? The baby is still young.. and I feel like he’s abandoning me a bit.

it’s not like I can’t handle the kids- but it’s the way in which he’s doing it that seems unreasonable. it’s that he doesn’t properly say that he’s doing it just mentions it little by little and then one night out has turned into a whole wkend..
i don’t want to have an argument about it as I’m sick of having arguments about him drinking. he’s had quite a few of these wkends away drinking and we’ve had arguments about them.. mainly because he wasn’t there for me when I needed him when pregnant etc.
and he has been drinking too much round the kids sometimes like at festivals been drunk and come back to tent and Ofc I’m pissed off. Same for coming home after nights out to the point that I don’t want him to come back and tell him to stay at a friends or somewhere else. I don’t want him coming back and waking us up and older one seeing him drunk. They shouldn’t be exposed to that. He’s useless the next day anyways so one night out usually means next day solo parenting for me too.
i feel it’s embarrassing him drinking so much in front of other parent friends too eg at festivals etc but he doesn’t care. Says he’s bonding w other parents/dads.
I think that you shouldn’t be drinking taking care of kids (1-2 is ok, but not drunk or tipsy..) what if you needed to drive them to hospital? Or make a medical decision? Could you say you’re of sound mind? Your reactions are slowed and awareness of danger like cars etc not as sharp, etc you get the picture- it’s irresponsible imo. and also not good for older one to see ! They’re very sharp and know much more than they let on! I don’t want this to become a thing as they get older.
When I say about these wkends away he says I should arrange things for me. But I can’t - my baby is EBF only and I’m not pumping or doing bottles or anything else as bf is going good. I also don’t want to stress the kids out by leaving them so I can get drunk/ do my own thing. The older one knows her dad goes to see his friends and is gone for the day/night/next day etc. (a night out starts w him heading out in afternoon often) I feel like I’m just not at that stage of life and that’s ok. I don’t get how he thinks he’s not at this stage of life w me? Or does it just not apply to him?
they’ll be plenty of time for festivals etc when the kids are older. Just not when baby is still so young. Am I being unreasonable here?
sorry about the rant and length of this. Just thought some context is necessary. If you have any questions let me know.

what would you do if you were me?

I think I feel unsupported, and abandoned as baby is so small and given previous issues w his nights out, (and at worst like he doesn’t give a shit a bit as long as still has his fun) not sure what to do so opinions welcome.
thanks

Ive put this in AIBU
but I’m not very good on this site so I think you can only vote there so I’m putting it here too as I’d like some replies too if you’d like to.
thanks

I would get rid of him. He has a drinking problem and is massively entitled and selfish. Notice he thinks he is the only one who deserves time away from the kids, even though you are the one doing the work. Men like this hardly ever change, even if they stop drinking. Selfishness and entitlement are character traits that stay.

To start with I was thinking what is the problem with a couple of days away but the excessive drinking sounds like the main issue and that I get the impression you do everything for the kids. Not sure what the solution is though. Fair play for dividing up chores?

You can't compete with alcohol. All you can do is get away from people who drink too much, drink when they shouldn't, start drinking and can't stop, will only go places where there is alcohol, etc.

Sadly, agree with PP.
Start planning your exit. It can be a slow one given how young your baby is. But you can start little things now.

He won’t get better regarding the drinking.
Make sure contraception is 100% in the mean time.
💐

Thanks so much for your input
I’ve read fair play - got the book and audio book. Even got the cards- we went through them a little bit when I was pregnant but they’ve been left on the side for months. Tbh I don’t have energy to keep asking.
tbf he does help w kids and is sole worker now I’m on Mat leave.
it’s not every weekend it’s like once a month so it’s not every weekend drinking. But it’s majorly binge drinking when he does. I can’t be hypocritical though when I met him I was a huge binge drinker - it was bad.
and getting rid of him isn’t an option.
I think I need to know if I’m being unreasonable and if so how to make him see ?
i do think he’s a bit selfish around this

He sounds like a waste of space, OP, sorry.

Was he like this after the 4 year old was born or did it start with latest baby?

Did he want the babies?

How old are you both?

The problem is he needs to want to be with his DC and he needs to want to share the load with you and he doesn’t.

If this has been going on since the 4 year old was born then really he probably won’t change.

If it’s recent, then something has changed and that needs to be worked on. But in my experience of seeing this, nothing will change.

He sounds like an alcoholic btw.

Going away for a weekend, assuming you also get time for yourself when your baby is a bit older, is totally fine. Dh and I have always had weekends away. Hell, I take whole weeks away and leave him with the dc. When they were very tiny, no. But after a year or so, when no longer bf, yes. I went to Australia for 2 weeks when my eldest was 18 months, admittedly it was for work, but it was still a lot of fun.

I don’t think there is an issue with weekends away. But you need to also have time when your youngest is a bit older. If the drinking is an issue at home though, that’s something entirely different. I don’t drink anymore but I don’t think you need to panic about him having a few drinks around the kids. 99% of the parents i know drink around their children. Several beers at a BBQ is not necessarily abusive drunk or vomiting all over the house drunk. It’s these things that are an issue. If he’s doing that, it’s not acceptable and he needs to either not or save his drinking for the occasional night or weekend away.

Importantly, you also need time to yourself and you can still have that now, even with an EBF baby, which he should be supporting.