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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Woman sending notes to my partner

6 replies

OliveSquid · 28/06/2024 20:33

I hope this is okay to post here. I feel like I am going insane and I hate to sound like “that woman” that thinks men can’t have platonic relationships with other women.

My partner and I met at work and are still working there together 5 years later. We work in a medical facility where we frequently have sales reps for medical devices with us.

Yesterday, after work, my partner himself told me that the female office manager for one of the distributors had sent a note with one of the sales reps to pass on to my partner.

He said that he and the manager met a while back because they sit in the same section at church every week. Thats how they found out that she works for the distributor that sends sales reps to our facility, and they know some people in common. He implies that several people in the section are friendly and chat before/after services. I do not attend his church. He has not attended for the last 3 weeks due to illness.

The note she sent, according to him, just said “Hope you are doing well.” I asked to see the note and he said he read it then threw it away at work.

It just seems strange to me that a woman would go to so much effort to get a note to a man for what is implied to be such a superficial relationship. If she just wanted to know that he was okay, she could have just confirmed with the sales rep that he was still accounted for at work, so why send a note?

There have been breaches of trust in our relationship before so it could be either way that he told me about it because it was meaningless or because I could have found out from the sales rep and my partner wanted to get ahead of the situation. There has been no infidelity in our relationship, but he has admitted to emotional affairs in previous relationships when he was younger (we are 40s now).

What do you think? Paranoia? Or the situation is weird?

Thank you so much for any insight.

OP posts:
XChrome · 28/06/2024 20:42

If he has admitted to emotional affairs, that is infidelity. Why should he be any different with you? Just so you know, most so-called emotional affairs are actually physical, or would have been, but there was some impediment to it. Cheaters cop only to the emotional part to look as if they are being honest.

You are not paranoid. The note is quite odd and he is a serial cheater. I suggest you hire an investigator to look into his present and past activites. You are possibly in danger of being exposed to STDs, so you need to know how far he's gone.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 28/06/2024 20:50

I would never dream of sending a note at work. I definitely think there is more to this. People just don't do that

Sookafatwan · 28/06/2024 20:53

You need to know what the note said. It's delightfully old fashioned in this digital world.

SudExpresso · 28/06/2024 20:58

It's a bit mentionitis on his part isn't it?
Does he think he's a bit irresistible?

MILTOBE · 28/06/2024 21:01

Bloody hell, he goes to church but has emotional affairs with other women when he has a partner? He really has got the wrong end of the stick, hasn't he? Unless he thinks church is simply a place to meet women.

leeverarch · 28/06/2024 21:17

Do the people at his church know he is in a relationship with you?

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