Would appreciate advice...have met a lovely man, finally, after a very bumpy ride...but he has 3 kids and a messy post break up situation...his ex wife wanted full custody, there have been many court battles, he has some custody of the children who he loves and cares for deeply. I have one son. We leave an hour apart and both have busy lives.
We've been able to see each other in the time we don't have our children but this seems to all gone a bit haywire, since the older teenager children don't really want to follow the custody plans anymore - and it's now harder to make plans with him, or plans go awry and leave me feeling quite upset. I have anxious attachment and this seems to be triggered by all the not knowing.
He is also incredibly busy - I mean beyond busy with his different lines of work. A friend said men often drop a thing or two when they meet a woman but honestly it seems like he's done the opposite since he met me.
He loves me and I love him but, although it's been talked about, I don't want to move to where he lives, disrupt my son's life, education and connection to this dad. Nor can I see myself living with his kids although we all get on.
When I started dating, I guess I was hoping to meet someone available and build a future together, live together. My partner has talked about this but it increasingly looks like it won't be possible for many years, which I feel sad about. At the moment, I feel like I can't ask much of him re planning yet I have seen him a lot despite what's been going on with the children.
One thing I love about him is how devoted he is to the kids - but I also somehow feel my needs are not being met - as in, he just can't.
I find it hard to distinguish between my own anxiety and what is objectively a difficult situation. I don't want to lose him but I also know this isn't quite working for me.
PS I do know the children come first and I've facilitated that the whole time we have been together...