Help.

[95er]

Ive been with my DH for 7 years, a few years ago I found out he was using pictures of my family members as masturbatory material, terrible I know. Anyway, I forgave him and recently found said pictures again after he swore it was a mistake and wouldnt do it again. Somehow my gut was telling me that wasnt all and I kept looking and to my horror found out he had been using prostitutes over the span of 4 years while with me. I could see on the website he hasnt made any such arrangements for the past few years. I feel completely numb, he says he has a sex addiction. He has booked therapy to resolve. I have a 10 month old daughter and he is a great dad. Am I an absolute idiot for even considering reconciliation? Is it possible to ever really get over something like this in a relationship? Help as I have nobody to turn to

I m sorry you are going through this.

you don’t have to make decisions now. Focus on your and the baby. When you are ready financially and mentally you can leave him

Why is he a great dad given what he has done?. You do not think of him as being a great husband do you?.

Women in poor relationships write that sort of comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. Just as you have done here. He’s only sorry he’s been caught. I would think long and hard as to whether you want to remain with him or not. I would also look into getting a full STD screening.

He isn't a great dad if he does this shit to his wife!

He is just grim and disgusting. How could you go near him after that? In which case how is a sex addicted man not going to be doing more things behind your back while he's not getting sex from you? He is unlikely to stop. He should be giving you the massive ick, it's stomach churning.

Hi OP
sorry that you find yourself in this situation: it is traumatic.
may I direct you to SurvivingInfidelity.com and the As One After Infidelity Reddit page. SurvivingInfidelity.com is separate to the Reddit page of the same name. The Reddit page is not good for mental health I don’t think. Very extreme.

on the first two I mentioned you will find peer support. AsOne is directed towards reconciliation, which might not be your choice. However there are several people reconciling or who have reconciled with people who identify as addicts.
SI.com is much more split between divorce and reconciliation but everyone posting has experience of infidelity. The moderation team are very good, although some of the posters are a bit heavy handed.

its good he has booked therapy. It will be a long road. It will take time to make sure that his changes are real. You’re under no obligation to do anything right now Whether that is divorce or reconciliation

im not going to make judgements on your husband because i think its very difficult to capture all the different sides of your partner in a post where you are focusing on his infidelities
i know that if i had been on mumsnet when I discovered my partner’s infidelity the post would have been full of cursing and I wouldn’t have had anything nice to say about him. However in real life he is a mixture of good and bad.

best wishes OP x

The old magic therapy!! When your brain's that warped theres no way back.

I completely agree, guess it is difficult to accept life as I know it is about to change