I have noticed a very unhealthy behaviour pattern in my fiancés family. His parents divorced when he was around 11 and apparently he took it really hard. His mum always refers to him as “her number one” he has 2 other sisters. She has told me that he has “picked her up off the floor whilst she has been sobbing” before and they are so close.
the pattern I have noticed is everything always falls in my fiancés shoulders and he feels huge amounts of responsibility. She often calls him up upset about certain things and I can tell it gets too him. I’d go as far to say it gets to him more than when I’m upset; when I’m upset I get him defensive and angry? Is this because he is used to be manipulated via his mother?
a family member recently died and she texts things like they all have to stick together and be there for each other, now my fiancé feels a huge amount of responsibility for the guy that dieds little brother, inviting him everywhere, planning trips, generally being concerned. Again I’d go as far to say more concerned for him than me when I go thru hard ship. there is genuine concern and interest for his wellbeing but when my grandad was in hospital he forgot often to ask how he was.
im starting to get angry and blame his mum and wonder if this behaviour can ever be unlearned? Now, his dad is going thru a divorce and he is SO stressed he’s taking everything out on me and taking it upon himself to be there and move his dads items because the “dad has no one else” it’s like it’s been embedded in him. It’s so not healthy and I can actually see him mentally struggling.
no body asks him how he is doing apart from me. No one seems to care and he can’t process it all. I heard him crying alone the other day. He refuses to open up and talk to me about his feelings. I might suggest therapy if he will go but he gets defensive and thinks everyone is judging him and it’s not manly…