Baby dad and best friend

[RCTO]

Just found out my sons father has been sleeping with/seeing my 'best work friend' behind my back for the last 3 months. WHILST I was pregnant with our son, WHILST the 3 of us still worked closely together, WHILST I confided in her all the absuive bullshit he was putting my through and how I was in A&E being watched on suicide ideation because of him.

I found out through a mutual colleague. She owned up and told me everything. He tried to lie and gaslight me.

He also was trying to get her to meet our son, after we strictly said no partners/casual acquaintances to meet him, especially without the other parents consent. He broke our agreement, then tried to lie about it, then deflected.

How can I trust him going forwards with our son and our agreements?

As for her, I warned her of his abuse and how one day it will be her. She apparantly ended things with him last month out of guilt. She is no longer in my life.

My other best friend of 9 years dropped me when my son was born, with no explanation.

My son is 7 weeks old and I am absolutely broken by these betrayals and the fact my baby dad does not even give a shit about anyone but himself in this.

I dont want him seeing our son if he is going to break agreements and I have to hear the truth from his newest conquest.

He is also buying assets such as watches to hide money so he cant pay me what we agreed. He earns triple figures and can only muster £200 apparantly. Hes just taken a career break also.

Advice is welcome and needed. I am so broken I dont even have any emotion if that makes sense.

@beenwhereyouare wrong thread?

You can't stop contact for your baby with his dad because he's a fuckboy. He sounds like a twat but your hurt feelings aren't a reason not to support contact.

If he is abusive that’s more of a concern regarding access to your child.

I know it’s painful and I assume it’s a recent split? But him sleeping with someone else, isn’t a reason to stop him seeing the child. You may need to organise a third party to be there, if you can’t face seeing him.

I get that it’s upsetting, but you need to separate him from someone you were in a relationship with and him being the father of your child. How your relationship is with him can’t be the basis for him being a father.

It may need mediation. I am sorry you are hurting and it’s been a shit time for you.

Were you and your sons father still together while he was sleeping with your friend? Your post doesn't make that clear but I suspect you were already separated.

If that's the case, then you need to take a deep breath and take about 20 steps back.
I get that he was abusive. I get that he hurt you. I get that what he did to you was aweful. I also get that you're going to need a lot of time to heal from what's happened. I suggest you get some counseling for that.

But whatever he may have done to you, doesn't give you the right to be unreasonable to him now. If you're not in a relationship with him, you have zero business who he sleeps with, and you certainly don't get to withhold contact with his child because you're hurt he slept with your friend. I get not being happy about it, but it's none of your business and it doesn't reflect on his ability to parent his child.
And the same goes for the agreement not to introduce partners to your child. Sure, it's best if children don't constantly get confronted with partners coming and going. But your son is a few weeks old. He's not at an age where this is going to massively impact him. This agreement is in place to protect your feelings more than anything else, and it's not a good idea to hold on to it so rigorously.

I'm going to be very critical of you, but that's only because I believe you have an opportunity to grow.
You made a child with this man. You're going to HAVE to co-parent with him. This isn't optional. He can't just be a dad whenever your feelings aren't hurt. It's about your child. You're a mother now and your childs feelings come first. Always. And a son needs a father. If you keep your son away from his father because he hurt your feelings, then you're being neglectful.
Now IF at some point you see that your son is being hurt, damaged, neglected by his father, that's a whole other story. In that case you fight for him. But until then, you need to put your feelings aside and let your son have a father.

Sorry to be clear was he cheating on you, or were you split and he started a new relationship?

youncannot prevent a relationship between your child and their father, as you don’t like his choice of partner.

I can completely understand why you feel hurt, it must be awful to find out your new baby's dad had moved on so quick and that a good friend has been betraying you.

He sounds like he has done you a favour in the long run though op, at least you know it's you and the baby from now on.

You can't stop him seeing the baby though, you just need to put him and her out of your mind and concentrate on your son.