Waiting for the text that never comes..

[Overthinker89]

Anyone else sat waiting for a message after it's all over to say they changed their mind, that they miss you, that they want you back..

I hate the hope of my phone going and it being them..anyone else going through this. I'm trying not to think about it of course but..well, yeah.

I've been here. It's hell. All consuming and painful.

Why did it end op?

Block them and move on with your life.

If it ended and you can see why I agree block delete move on...don't be heartbroken one sat there waiting crying and wishing they would contact you like I was....6 months later he did contact me we were rekindling and guess what he was shagging his ex from day dot of our breakup and was doing that when we first got together too. He lied for the duration of our relationship he wasn't what he made out to be and I was the one sat there heartbroken unfunctioning and sad while he was balls deep in hotel rooms with his ex.

Impossible to do if you share kids with the person who left.
Yes OP it's crap. I'd love to say it gets easier but I'm two and a half years in.

@Lookingforunicorns tricky if you have kids I agree however in that instance time does heal and at this point you won't believe it but that it from us and others that it does!

You got this op.

Yep it is draining. I don't want him back and we split for good reason and amicably but also agreed time apart/nc.

Every little badge notification I get that dopamine hit of maybe it's him... ugh.

Time helps though and whilst I want the contact I'm also getting in a better head space generally so can be more rational and logical about it.

It is for me about break up pain, and relieving pain. Like an addict I suppose. I can get my hit of pain relief by contacting/receiving a message. But then the inevitable withdrawal will be harder and more painful. Or I can 'rehab' longer term, work on myself and recover better. Sending hugs, it's really hard.

@furusato love the rehab thought that's a good way to look at it.

When I look back at me last July when this happened I was desperate and begging and when he blocked me and unblocked me over the following 6 months it was torture....shows exactly what kind of person he is though right!

I've not experienced this because I've never wanted to get back with someone. So I might be talking out of my arse here!

But, I think I would give myself a deadline.

"If I haven't heard from him by Sunday night, I'm never going to and im going to stop waiting/hoping for it."

Keep it fixed in your head as a deadline. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings until then. Don't try and ignore them or stuff them down. Feel them. Acknowledge them.

Make plans for nice things you're going to do when the deadline has passed.

Start to look forward to that time.

And when it comes, draw a mental line under it. Do the nice things. Block the thoughts when they come.

Move on.

i was on your other thread when he finished with you OP.

You are the mum to a young toddler and this chap had serious mental health problems…. this is for the best

Hey guys, just wanted to come on here and thank everyone for the solidarity and great advice. Genuinely it has made me feel loads better. There are so many good and useful bits of advice and support. Thanks 💪 sending the same back to you all. Just trying to keep busy, focus on other goals in my life and be present and supportive to my son as I know that is the most important thing. I also am wary that if I'm going to date I want to make good choices about that as I feel a heightened sense of responsibility to make good decisions on account of being a single Mamma. I never introduces them so that's something I guess :)

Block the number! Or you'll never get rid of this feeling. I'm with @Lookingforunicorns on this one, it's not quick or easy, but for me, any contact has just reset the clock again, put me back to square one.

That's a bless you never introduced ds to him but doesn't make you feel better right now however I promise you will xx

Yes block the messages and move on. I'm in an open marriage and I had an affair with a guy who had just split from his wife. She called him a few times while we were together. Totally annoying for me and him but, more importantly, pointless for her. Perhaps if she knew what he was up to it would have cured the problem, but that's too cruel. Just be kind by moving on.