I need advice on how to ask what's wrong?

[Catchlock]

Been with husband 14 years. He's not a great communicator, he has times when he becomes very insular.

He is very obviously irritated by something at the moment, well since about Sunday.

I'm getting lots of passive aggressive comments. I'm trying to pack for a family holiday and so I have put everything we need to take together and he's huffing and puffing telling me to leave his stuff alone

Which I'm bloody happy to do. We eat at the same time every night yet he's flipping grumping because he wants to go to the gym and can't because dinner is nearly ready. (Maybe he's just stressed about the holiday and getting work sorted before he goes.)

Lots of shitty wee things like this.

I want to ask what his fucking problem is! However if I ask just like that he will retreat and I'll get nothing.

Any advice?

So he's grumpy because he wants to go to the gym but dinner is at the same time as usual? Sounds like he wants to be somewhere else and is maybe resenting the holiday. Any other suspicious behaviour lately? Is he guarding his phone, coming home late - anything like that?

Get him in a headlock then ask him.

Next time he huffs and puffs just say "that was a big sigh, is everything alright?"

Or, (if he's actually huffing and puffing) "there's some huffing and puffing going on there, are you auditioning for the 3 little pigs? what's up?"

Maybe add in "you seem a bit fed up just lately, anything I can help with?"

Be blunt. Ask him 'What's all the huffing about?' and if he says 'Nothing' then tell him, 'Then STOP with the passive aggressive stupid comments and heavy sighs. Either explain what the issue is, like an adult, or shut the fuck up'.

Tact gets you nowhere.

Yeah, this. He's being passive aggressive and the only way for you to manage that is to name it for what it is and ask him wtf his problem is

@DatingDinosaur I almost woke my DD when I burst laughing as your suggestions were so funny.
If this was my DH I would just ask him and tell him to stop if he doesn't give me a proper answer. Don't have patience for a man child,

Hey lover, I notice that you've not been happy these past few days and I get the impression that something's bothering you. I've not been sure how to approach you about it, and I'd really like to understand what's going on for you. Do you want to talk about it?

Ah well, if I was in a grump and someone aggressively asked me "wtf was wrong" I'd probably tell them to fuck off. It certainly isn't the way to open a 2 way conversation in my world. Sometimes a gentler approach yields better results.