Everything has changed

[Snooziemumma]

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not really but...
I've been with my husband for over 11 years, when we first met he was really funny, calm and kind. We worked together but quickly after we got together my husband was moved to a different working location that was just a natural move and nothing to do with our relationship. We always had mostly mutual friends. Anyway skip forward 9 years ( to 2 years ago) my husband was desperate to work in the police force. Which I had my concerns about and mentioned then and he said it would all be fine. Also the police rota doesn't work with mine at all so I had to cut my hours and next January I may have to leave my post at work because of this. I am manager and I feel like I worked hard to get to where I am but I said fine I'll give up my career so you can do the one you want to. Anyway we have always had a mutual unwritten agreement that we don't message the opposite sex (it is how it is) and it started because one of my staff members had messaged me outside of work when they were struggling for shift cover and I was on day off. My husband got irritated by this and was quite rude to me so I didn't reply and continued to not reply outside work time. Anyway 6 months ago when my daughter was showing me a photo a message popped up from a women. I didn't read it. I said how I felt about this and he said oh its just a work colleague blah blah blah. Then again today my son was playing on his phone and he opened a stream of messages from another women. I feel like our marriage is a little on the rocks and things like this is really not helping at all! His attitude has changed massive he's quite arrogant, has no patience for the kids, he's short with me all the time and I never know where I stand anymore.
I said that we needed to break up cos it wasn't good for the kids about 2 months ago, I was sad and crying he whipped his phone out and started recording me and said you are leaving me, I'm not leave you and I'm not abandoning the kids your kicking me out. Then he laughed. I was so so shocked and I just can't believe how much he has changed. People keep saying maybe it the stress of the job or maybe he's just changed because of the job etc but that's not good enough, he's not who I married and I'm finding this so hard

has anyone else been in a similar situation how has it been resolved? can it be resolved?

Sorry to hear this OP i am wondering if you think his head has been turned by the other woman in the messages, did you read the messages ?

He's not like this because your marriage is on the rocks. Your marriage is in the rocks because he's messing about with other women.

Line in the sand time.

This is classic cheater behaviour. He is trying to set you up to look like the one at fault, when it is clearly him who is no longer interested in being with you. When that happens, it's over.
If you want to counter his false narrative, keep all the texts to this woman and get a private investigator to follow up on what he is doing with her and possibly others. Be prepared to open a can of worms that may be terribly painful.
It's common for cheaters to become cold and nasty. What they are doing is building up a case against you in their minds which they can use to rationalize and justify their behaviour.
Get the real story on what he's doing, because it's clear he intends to mount a smear campaign against you to deflect from his cheating and other mistreatment.

I've only been recorded once and that was by a controlling arse hole, who could not engage in a conversation about negatives. Luckily I was only with him for a few months.
If your husband is recording you, thinking he'll use it against you, then he abusing you. I suspect it was his idea no messages from the opposite sex either.

Do not give up your career, give up your husband. He's turning nasty because he wants to blame you when he leaves.

Get in first, ensure you know your rights if you share a property. Pack him a bag, wish his new woman all the best and enjoy some peace.

The cruelty that comes out when there's another woman on the scene is heartbreaking. They completely change.

You don't need something as concrete as another woman to end your marriage although it sounds like there could well be another.

I don't know if it can be resolved. He's showing you unpleasant behaviour and seems to be setting you up for any blame for the consequences that might emerge.

Consider you and the dcs only now. Your h is being awful. I'd take some time to think about what you want and if splitting is the answer given you've seen loads of messages from other women and that is a crossed boundary.

Do not give up your job. You need to be able to support yourself and children.