Good Morning Ladies please be kind I’m going through quite literal hell is the only way I can put it, my partners Dad died a couple of weeks ago and funeral was very recent. But his up and down behaviour during this time has been at times completely inexcusable.
Hes unmedicated adhd bipolar for reference as I think it’s worth mentioning, he hasn’t been in his right frame of mind which is completely understandable I’ve offered him every single comfort I can I’ve looked after the children single handedly so he could go to his family home to grieve with them every single day to night without any grumbling obviously!
However the first strange turn of events was a really old friend of mine relatively attractive but nothing overly intimidating to me personally as I’m quite comfortable in my own skin rang me through our business line and I was stunned to hear that he had invited her into the pub for a “quick drink” in our particular culture it’s a big fat NO you do not ever do that! Not only that but he doesn’t know her AT allllll! He’s seen her twice whilst she’s bumped into me?!!
So I couldn’t help myself I wiped the deck with him over it and said how shameful it was and pointed out that he doesn’t even know her!! He apologised profusely and I pointed out that whilst I’m sat at home looking after the kids which is extremely hard because they are all disabled btw that he was out galavanting and I will not tolerate this bs basically!!!
Then moving on I find out his ex he has a child with is invited to the funeral and wake no problem what so ever she hasn’t done anything directly wrong to me however I was slightly mythed as he cannot stand or tolerate her neither can his entire family! From faulse police allegations to threatening of no contact costing up upwards 10k in court fees for access! I mean it when I say some pretty serious stuff!
His ex has gone online found his mobile number and been trying to message him at 2-3am nearly everynight since his dads died he hasn’t hidden anything and pointed out he was extremely angry about it and doesn’t want anything to do with her! Fair enough too much water under the bridge she was perfectly polite to me at the funeral no issues it wasn’t the time or the place to ask her why exactly she was messaging at all hours etc so absolutely left it!
So I didn’t think anything of it first time I’d met her spoke to her a few times etc then yesterday evening my partner comes home filled with rage again as she’s tried contacting him again!! By this point I’m pissed because she was extremely friendly to me and so I’m thinking what’s your game?!
So I say to my partner I’m getting a bit pissed off with it because I don’t believe anyone should be messaging at all hours and said “look if this doesn’t stop il be contacting her myself to explain on your behalf that it’s making you angry and creating a real atmosphere in our home!” So In other words leave it alone!
You would have thought my partner would’ve been quite happy for me to put her in her place and say enough is enough as I’m quite tactful and non confrontational without causing huge drama because if rolls where reversed and it was my ex he would hit the roof! But instead he went into a vicious vile rant at me about how I should keep out of it etc came storming up to me extremely angry didn’t touch me but it was terrifying to say the least!
So I was getting ready to leave the house for a couple of hours and nip to a neighbors house to defuse the situation but keep thinking what the actual fuck was that all about?? And what’s he hiding why doesn’t he want me speaking to her?! Like what’s going on? (Maybe my own insecurities due to the drink with my friend admittedly!) as I’m getting ready my my phone is pinging off constantly it’s her she’s found my number from the internet a business number! As he wasn’t responding she’s branched out to me! Drunk btw!
My partner storms out to go to his mums looking extremely angry over it all so I actually spoke with her and I did confront her regarding the text messages and she was crying and saying he hates me that much he can’t even speak to me?!! Etc so any doubts I had with my partner had resolved I politely explained that I’d happily mediate but explained that he’s getting peed off being contacted please leave it alone she agreed!
He’s come back this morning saying he cannot believe what a heartless bitch I am how disgusting and selfish I am for entertaining the ex! The relationship is over cancel our holiday we where going on next week and il be over later to get my stuff!
Absolutely fine by me as the way he raged up to yesterday was absolutely inexcusable! I haven’t shed a single tear over the relationship ending infact I feel relieved because imo he’s behaved atrociously through his grief and I’ve been walking on eggshells for weeks!
These are just a few issues I could go on alday about his ups and downs and erratic behaviour and honestly the way he thundered up to me last night has scared me that much I’m well and truly done I feel oddly relieved?
Ive put up with episodes of extremely bad episodes with his mh being off medication constantly being left to look after the kids on my own whilst he does whatever the fuck that he wants I haven’t been out with friends for years but he lives a life like he’s child and care free!
So I’m only giving you a small insight but I’m doubting myself as to weather or not I have somehow caused or contributed to this behaviour did I really deserve that last night? I can assure you if the shoe was on the other foot he’d be at my exes house and not handling anything with any grace that I have!
Sorry it’s much longer than I thought it would be but can you see any coming back from this? Is this normal with grief? Am I wrong for cementing the end of this relationship even if In a few days he regrets it and apologised? (Which I know he will!) but I feel soo done I don’t ever want to feel that intimidated in my life again! I’m 5”2 he’s 6”1 and not a small man by any means! So I really shit myself!