Second time round, how to split bills

[Linethemup]

I’m in a happy loving relationship. It’s fairly new (just over a year) but we are both in our 50s so think things are possibly moving faster than if we were in our 20s.
i lost my parents a few years back and as a result of my inheritance, I own my own houses, c£485k, some commercial properties and have about £60k in savings. I don’t work but have an income from the commercial properties. My partner physically goes out to work.
my partner brings pretty much nothing to the table.
we want to live together in my house but how do we split bills etc. I’ve made it clear that my home will always be my home to pass onto my children. He’d never get a share of it and is happy to sign a cohabitation agreement.
but I want to know what is a fair way to split expenses. Do we split 50/50, taking into account there is no mortgage or rent to pay? I’ve a 24 year old daughter who lives at home part time so in theory should his share only be a third? I can’t help feeling he’s getting a good deal! Or split the bills and he pay for all meals out or an annual
holiday etc?
I don’t want the relationship to be about money but I’ve been stung before and want to enter this new relationship with a good foundation. There are no red flags regarding finances

He definitely needs to pay some kind of rent and at least a third of bills, possibly more.

I'm always surprised when people just split the bills per person when they move in as "that's fair" when that's not necessarily the case.

Below is a simple example, with basic numbers to keep the maths easy.

Person A & B both live alone and each pay:
£100 per month elec
£50 per month water (on a meter)
£175 per month council tax
£80 per month gas
Total £405 each

Person A moves into person B'a house and they split the bills in half. Bills become:

£130 per month elec
£70 per month water
£200 council tax (lose single person discount)
£100 gas
Total: £500, or £250 each.

If person A doesn't pay rent, then person B is only "saving" £155 per month by having another person living with them full time and having to incur all the additional costs of wear & tear on the furniture, appliances, carpets etc.

And person A is spending just £250 per month for housing and bills, with zero responsibility to the home and is also saving £155 per month on bills PLUS everything they previously spent on rent.

That isn't fair, A benefits hugely over B by moving in.

As someone has said I would think long and short term. Will he have a pension? I would definitely get the cohabitation agreement to cover the principles of this too. It is your house so you pay for repairs and maintenance. I would only have him contribute one third to council tax, fuel and food bills and half when your daughter moves out. I would also consider whose car is used to do all the driving. I would split the cost of holidays equally and alternate who pays when you go out.

If you charge him more, you are into "rent" territory and that is okay up to the limit of £7k or whatever it is you can have tax free. Beyond that you would be paying income tax on it.

Not sure how good he is with money, but would definitely be expecting him to save into a pension properly.

Long term though you want a clear idea of how this might look once he retires as well as on your death I.e. he needs to saved to house himself.

I agree with those who say it's too soon. Give it another year. In the meantime suss out what he's like in terms of how dedicated to working he is, what he plans to do in retirement etc. Eg. If he was made redundant do you sense he'd be fairly relaxed about finding a new job if he didn't have to?

Also, charge what you'd charge a lodger perhaps? Then split food (you or your dd cover her share).

When my partner moved in I thought it was important that living me wasn't a cheap option!

We agreed that he paid a sum into my account each month that was roughly what he was paying to live in his flat. Worked fine. Holidays and extras either one of us paid, no keeping score.

if you genuinely love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then the money should not matter... if you can afford it you pay, if he can, then he does!

the fact that you have come to a forum to ask what to do implies things are not as rosy in your garden!

tge ‘fleecing relationship’ was over 14 years ago. I’ve led a very happily single life since with the odd romance but no one I’d want to spend my life with so not sure 14 years is rushing!

But there is massive difference between “paying your way” and not being bringing anything to the table

the OP states that she has inherited ( not earned), close to 1/2 million in assets and that the guy “only” earns £40k, so he doesn’t bring anything to the table, but the financial difference is so huge, that the OP will probably never meet anyone in the same financial position, so her mindset might have to change somewhat