Hello
I'm spending yet another evening in a separate room from my husband. We had a minor disagreement. I left the room without speaking and now I'm feeling that our relationship is over. The trouble is, I feel like this over nearly every minor disagreement we have. Catastrophising, I think they call it. I know if I go back in there and start speaking it will all be over. In fact, he's probably forgotten about the disagreement already. But it grieves me to be the one to break the ice. Even thinking about doing that makes me feel sad and lost, that I'm so unheard.
I sound needy, don't I? Yet, surprisingly, he's the needy one, always wanting my attention. Honestly, it drives me nuts. We have a basic mismatch. We have daily misunderstandings in conversation that are so unnecessary and frustrating. He's careless with me, emotionally and physically. If we're moving some furniture, for example, he'll push it too hard, or stop without warning, or twist it round unexpectedly. I've had bruises and cuts and a broken finger through this.
Having said all that, he's quite kind hearted and usually good natured. I don't think he'd give all this a second thought and he'd say there's something wrong with me for writing this. Incredibly, we've been married for 30 years. We never celebrate anniversaries or birthdays, which is okay, but our relationship is just flat and empty. We don't have sex and haven't for about 15 years. My instigation. He left for a year after his affair with his colleague, then came back. I've never wanted him like that since and he's never bothered.
I don't know what I want from this email. I feel better for having written it down.
Thanks