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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not that into me or is he having a mental health meltdown? Come at me with your take on this Mumsnet. Confused!

12 replies

Overthinker89 · 26/06/2024 11:24

So, has anyone every ended a relationship they were really into because they were overwhelmed by mental health struggles. For context a guy I am seeing ended things last night completely out of the blue. A day before he had asked me on holiday with him, he has shown me all the signs it's going well, I felt very secure in the relationship although it is early days (3 months in so I'm wanting to take things slow and not go all in until we know eachother better.) But so far so good. Then last night suddenly he said he is "incurably sad. Has been completely unsure the last few weeks about what he feels about anything work, friendships, relationships, whether he wants to stay in our current city or move back to the north of England at somepoint." He says he is suddenly not sure about us but says that he thinks it is mental health related. He says that when his mental health dips like this every few months he just feels deepset uncertainty about everything. He said that he knows he will feel sad and awful about calling things off but if he carries on he'll risk leading me on or hurting me if he is unsure. I asked him if he wanted to call things off and he said yes and that he needed some time to work out what he wants and how he feels. His said his mind in a mess and that he think he needs to go back on medication. All this came completely out of the blue. I've been very open about my dad's mental health struggles and said he can always talk to me about his and I'll listen and always make time to hear what he has to say. That said I feel him ending it out of nowhere may just be him saying look, I'm just not that into you? Or is it possible he is but his mental health has derailed everything and despite wanting a relationship with me he just can't fathom it while depressed. Thoughts so welcome here! Be brutal I can take it. Has anyone been through similar - aka ended something they want because of their mental health?!

OP posts:
Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 26/06/2024 11:30

Women are not rehabs for men.

Consider your own mental health and wellbeing. Is it worth the dramatics and hassle over three months?

pinkdelight · 26/06/2024 11:30

I think you have to believe him and move on, not waste any time or energy worrying over other possible meanings because the bottom line is he's not a good bet, he's ended it and you're well out of it after only three months. People absolutely do end relationships for those reasons, especially when MH is bad enough to need medicating. Take him at his word but also don't get any ideas about wanting to stick around to help him or anything like that. Don't be confused. Be relieved and take it that it's no reflection on you so you can find someone more suited to a relationship.

Bobbotgegrinch · 26/06/2024 11:38

Does it matter? Either he's dumped you because he's not that into you, or his mental health is so much of a binfire that hes really not in a good place for a relationship.

In either case, why would you want to carry on a relationship with him?

SweetGingerTea · 26/06/2024 11:40

Run while you can

Veritysays897 · 26/06/2024 12:01

Either way he's not in the right place ATM to have a good relationship so wish him well and wave him off op, but don't become his sounding board. And don't let him engage you in a "does he, does he not?" dance. If he goes then that's it.

Also, it shouldn't be this hard so early on and if a bloke is really in to you, he will climb mountains to make it work. I'm sorry 💐

Also, while being sympathetic about his MH issues, I think it's a bit unfair and cowardly of him to say he is uncertain and he needs space to work out what he wants. Either take responsibility and own it and decide to split or don't. And don't dress it up as "not wanting to hurt you", while actually hurting you! Maybe it's genuine but it smacks of disingenuousness to me!

Rockschooldropout · 26/06/2024 12:03

It doesn’t matter which it is really - he can’t offer you what you want and either way you’ll pay which the erosion of your own MH .

LifeExperience · 26/06/2024 12:47

In my experience when men do a sudden 180 it's because they've met someone new.

yellowsmileyface · 26/06/2024 13:59

He might be telling the truth. Or he might just be trying to let you down easy. None of us can tell you which one it is, 'cos it really could be either, or something else entirely.

But it doesn't matter anyway. You were only dating for a few months and now it's clear this guy isn't a good match for whatever reason. Don't waste mental energy overanalysing what it could be.

Epidote · 26/06/2024 14:20

Regardless of he saying the truth or lying to you he has done you a favour.
Run.

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 14:24

His wife has probably found out about you.
Or he's met someone else.

Sorry, OP, but I don't believe that horseshit about his poor mental health.

Opentooffers · 26/06/2024 14:28

My pov is that as soon as a man says he suffers mental health issues, the answer is to cool ot off, not offer open chat about it. It's a big red flag. Why choose someone with MH problems from the start when you don't need to? As you've found, it means unpredictable behaviour, nobody needs that.

incessantpunditry · 26/06/2024 14:34

Let him go.

Do not appoint yourself as his therapist.

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