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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bf has clinical depression

11 replies

Hellolleh · 26/06/2024 06:03

My bf agreed he needed help two weeks ago. We had wrote down alot of stuff and agreed it looked like PTSD. He spends alot of time in the past. Doesnt truly look forward. Cannot manage finances and in all honesty has had some messy stuff in his life.

Ive not been happy since january and ive been in a battle with myself because i lnow i dont feel i want it. He lies alot. I have no idea why. But he does. I think its shame sometimes and him trying to manage different things. He also runs away from conflict. He walks away. Wont speak. Shuts down and always says he wants me to stop having ago.

Then yesterday he was assesed. They said it he had the worst end of depression (clinical) hes now having weekly telephone appointments.

I dont see how this will help. Hes not even in the room with them. I also feel he isnt going to be totally open with them. I think he woll tell them whats happened to him in the past but not really speak about how hes treating people.

I know he was drinking alot in his last relationship as she was too. He kept chatting to women online and some physical cheating took place. I know for 3 years after he fell into a really low place and overdosed. Ive had a few people say he wont forgive himself for loosing her. But it feels hes doing the same stuff in our relationship. He doesnt drink now.

Mental health is high in his family. I know hes unwell. He isnt happy or living a real life. But i am struggling to keep my anixety down and always doubting him. I dont trust him. I know once the trust is gone its gone. But i cannot seem to walk away.

Im almost thinking i need to tell myself in my own head its over and just distance myself. It feels like theres no hope of this getting better.

OP posts:
AstonMartha · 26/06/2024 06:16

Most of what you have described about his bad points are likely to do with his depression.

It’s hard to live with someone who isn’t mentally well sometimes but only you know whether it’s over or not.

Has he been prescribed medication?

Soozikinzii · 26/06/2024 06:38

My DH has developed depression in older age he didnt have it when we got together 44 years ago . I would say leave if you've no children together . Its very draining living with someone who is clinically depressed. It's different for me we had happy times together and we have a family together but you have no such ties .

ThatSnugLimePlayer · 26/06/2024 06:43

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Hellolleh · 26/06/2024 06:51

Soozikinzii · 26/06/2024 06:38

My DH has developed depression in older age he didnt have it when we got together 44 years ago . I would say leave if you've no children together . Its very draining living with someone who is clinically depressed. It's different for me we had happy times together and we have a family together but you have no such ties .

Can i ask what sort of stuff you noted
Did he blame you for kicking of? Did he uae substances to cope? Did his emotions change constantly?

He can be so caring and funny then for a few weeks hes moody and i feel he cant stand me.

Hea getting a tax return this week and im so stressed as money is poison to him and he wastes it so fast.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/06/2024 06:55

Trust your feelings and get out of this relationship. He's not going to ever make you happy.

stilllovebeetroot · 26/06/2024 08:08

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Itsallok · 26/06/2024 08:12

Walk away. You matter too and so does your happiness. Does't sounds like he has the emotional bandwidth for a relationship between equals

Sicario · 26/06/2024 09:08

I agree with the previous poster who says walk away. Especially if there are no children, although frankly, even if there were, I would still walk.

It's hard to do this because he will then play the depression card to guilt trip you into staying with him. Perhaps even making threats about suicide if you leave him.

None of these are reasons to stay.

He will just drag you down with him until you feel like you are drowning.

Save yourself. There is a much brighter, happier future ahead of you and you don't need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

FlowerBee62 · 26/06/2024 12:53

Run as fast as you can ,he's an energy vampire and will take you down with him.Move on with your life ,no looking back ,if he gets himself to a better place mentally then you could perhaps reassess your relationship going forward .

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 26/06/2024 13:16

Go now. It will never get easier, he will never change and you will be ground down as his crutch. Life is too short to live for someone else. Ending things now will be short term pain for an long term gain.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 26/06/2024 13:22

It's very bad depression but they're just giving him talking therapy once a week? What about meds?

the issue with depression is that it can be totally debilitating for the person who has it. Unfortunately, it often leads to poor behaviour and treating partners and families badly.

I think that although you might feel sorry for him, this relationship is still relatively young. He needs to sort himself out before he can be in a relationship and it's not your job to try to fix him so I'd leave him to it.

It is also true that people with personality disorders or traits of personality disorders (diagnosed or not) are more likely to suffer from mental health problems as a result. Another reason to feel sorry for them but not a reason to stay with someone whose behaviour and attitude makes you unhappy.

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