I am mid thirties. Work a semi senior role in a corporate environment, have been lined up for a director level position in the next year and I am getting married in October. I spend a lot of my spare time helping my elderly parents and DF’s elderly grandparents. I am everyone’s go to person and the running joke is how I am director of operations for friends and family. When someone has a problem, it feels like our door is the first port of call.
The problem is I am worn so thin with it all. I’ve also weirdly become fixated on perfection, if things aren’t perfect 24/7 I feel like I am failing. This was pointed out to me this morning by my DF after a blaring row over the living room being left with cushions not tidied and cups left sitting from the night before.
In the grand scheme I know cushions and cups don’t matter. A house is for living in not for show. But it just felt like another task on my list and it sent me off the deep end.
DF was extremely miffed but when we cooled off and talked things through he told me he feels I’ve lost myself. Between doing for everyone else, work pressure and organising the wedding. I’m just not ‘me’ anymore, and to be honest he’s on the money. I am definitely not the carefree girl he fell in love with.
The entire thing ended up with me taking such a severe Migrane from the stress of the row that I ended up taking a sick day from work. First sick day in over 3 years. I am burnt out and tired.
DF decided to work from home, brought me lunch and liquids and pain meds to bed and even went out and got me flowers this evening. He isn’t the problem. He pulls his weight, but he definitely has better work life balance than me. He did admit this morning he is sick of my constant anxiety around the never ending to do lists and he feels like all I do is go on at him.
I am aware it’s very much a mix of my new high levels of perfectionism and lack of boundaries when it comes to saying no to my time when helping others.
So basically, I’m here asking for help. How do I politely manage things better with the elderly folk, and the friends who use our home like a drop in centre when there’s an issue?
And any other tips you may have on having some work life balance so I start to feel like myself again. I don’t even know what I like or would want to do with myself anymore. But I don’t want to be this person, I would like to eventually have kids and if I am lost now, I’ll definitely not make it through motherhood, so I really need to find myself and a way of feeling fulfilled and happy, and that life isn’t just work and lists to be completed.
Thank you in advance x