On my own, not ‘very’ young, what can I do with myself?

[MythicalMalboroughBuns]

Newly single again after a 6 year relationship. (Prior to that was divorced after 18 years). I have 2 dc - one grown up, one nearly!
All I seem to do is work and feel very tired and a bit ugly. Can anyone help me find the joy again?

Walking! I signed up to do the Yorkshire Three Peaks with a large group of friends and acquaintances. We did lots of training walks building up distance over 6 months. It was really too much for me if I'm honest, but I dud finish it and I loved the training. Now we have a big WhatsApp group of walkers and you can message to find walking friends as needed. We did another trip to the Isle if Wight which was lovely, and a few of us have walked in the Peaks.

Following as I am in almost exactly the same situation and I am also struggling to find joy in life. My relationship ended a year ago but I am still devastated. Since then I have put more energy into my friendships which has been very worthwhile. I should also put some time into my house but I don’t know where to start.

My friends are all so busy with their families and my best friend lives 300 miles away so I find myself a bit of a Billy no mates! You really wouldn’t think it if you knew me- I come across as confident and independent. Nearest family (other than my son) are 150 miles away.
I get up early and go to bed early- don’t want to waste life and don’t want to mope but need a vision of how to enjoy life by myself.

Maybe the thing is to start small - do you have anything you’d like to try like yoga, learning a language, choir or something like that? Maybe you could sign up for something one evening a week, even if it’s not setting your world on fire, and take it from there?

Start with writing a list of things that you enjoy.... then work out how you can do more of those things either on your own or find some local groups to join.

Similar position as you and @Cardolino - as we get older, friends are all couples, so it's not easy to find someone to do the fun things together with. I do yoga, walk, cycle, next month I should be moving house so that will keep me busy! Just have to be organised, disciplined about planning activities to fill the empty times.

Still feels like I'm on emotional tightrope after LTR collapse last year and trying to cope with her wanting to be friends, but keeping busy is the best medicine.

Hi OP, I’m in a very similar situation, newly single after LTR breakup and adult children who live away from home, which part of the UK are you in?

I can relate to this, I'm alone and need to get out more! The walking suggestion is a good one, definitely worth a try. It's sad that so many end up feeling this way 😞

I've thrown myself into everything.

Never turn down an invitation, even if it's something you don't really fancy with people you're not too keen on. Once you start "doing" things, more invitations come and you meet more people. I've also stepped up and been the organiser for a lot of things too, then you get reciprocal invitations.

Plus a hiking group and a running group, which with have a social element too.

And, I've learned that just going off and doing things on your own brings a peace that I hadn't experienced before. I enjoy a busy social life, but time on my own is precious too. I've recently done a week long solo hike, which I thought might be too long, but it wasn't and I love going out to eat on my own.

Singing is good for your mood. Join a choir. Unless you are Awful you will improve with practice.

Does religion appeal? Being part of my church community has made me loads of friends.

This is a good place to start.

After dh died and I was in a position to start thinking about carrying on I had various discussions with friends where they'd make suggestions but none appealed to what I wanted to do - not that I knew what I wanted.

I enjoy small activities, time with family, reading (but NOT interested in a book club), playing cards & board games, gardening.

Anyway, in passing I came across an advert for a local bridge club (I'd never played bridge), went along and now love it. I play at least once a week at the club and usually another once or twice with friends I've made at the club.

Equally, something suggested by a friend might have struck a chord and made me think more about it (actually mostly they just made me think "no way").

I do think you have to give yourself grieving space though (a relationship ending is hard), it maybe that at the moment you don't have the capacity for new things.

Friends (and people on MN) can make suggestions for what they like / what brings them joy but your list could be very different.

My list included:

Listening to music
Jigsaw puzzles
Swimming
Reading (again not book clubs)
Hiking

I recently found one of our local pubs does a board game night and have yet to pluck up the courage to go along but one day will do to see what I think.

Thank you for the suggestions and the messages sent to me. Food for thought here. I need to appreciate the glimmers, work on energy and push myself a bit.
Might try a solo holiday - possibly abroad! Need some sleep and money first 😁

You can always earn more money! Sleep will come….. just go! You’ll feel better just booking it

Why are you tired? Do you not get enough sleep? Work too hard? Struggle to get good quality sleep?

That's the first thing to fix.

Then, once you've got some more energy, do you live somewhere with things you could join? In my area there is tons of stuff - running clubs, exercise classes, gym, language classes, amateur dramatics, singing groups/choirs, bell ringing, book groups, walking groups, U3A and more. If you had the energy, what would you like to do with your free time to meet other like-minded souls?