Perimenopause making me frustrated and irritated by DP intelligence

[Itshouldntmattertome]

I feel like such a bitch.

DP is lovely and kind. We’ve been together for 30 years . I’m 46. Perimenopause has hit me hard. Have 2 teenage boys 13 and 15.

Hes a good partner, a great dad, helpful and kind and hard working in a job that is physically demanding with long hours and he still shows up for and is present in day to day running of the house stuff . Since Peri started im just constantly irritated by him because I’ve realised I can’t even have a conversation with him, and I don’t know why I’m surprised as I’ve always known we had very different backgrounds and education etc and suddenly I’m craving intelligent conversation and interaction and I get nothing. He hasn’t changed and this didn’t bother me before as I saw all the above good points and a good heart and nothing else and suddenly I’m just irritated by everything he does.

My gp recommended self referring to counselling therapy when I went to ask about blood tests and HRT. I’m so sure it’s my hormones and it’s going to end my marriage as daily I want to just walk out and leave him. I’m ashamed that the other day I just thought ‘I don’t even want to look at him he’s so stupid’ and that’s not really me if that makes sense ?

Go back to the GP and have another discussion about perimenopause and HRT

Love all these comments!

feeling like this yes can impact on your relationship with husband but also friends, teens etc

its good to have a more ‘take no shit’ attitude but if it tips into not getting on with anyone that will make you miserable

yes yes yes, go back and INSIST on the HRT. I found I just couldn't stand DH for a while. His very existence annoyed me. HRT has helped HUGELY. And yes to the food noises - I honestly thought I could divorce him for the sound of his eating alone.

I'd also say get back into doing some exercise, but pitch it to where you're at currently. I started a yoga class about a year ago - it's a beginners class, very gentle, lots of women my age and stage (and weight) and it's been amazing. I haven't lost weight on it, but I feel better and there are so many advantages.

I'm peri, only in the last year. And just 41. I am so irritated by everything, but most I can still rationalise and then internalise. But, my DP like yours is a wonderful man. And I always thought we were on the same page intellectually, although in a different way/about different things. I now feel like whatever I say, or try to explain, he just agrees. I don't think he's changed at all, so it must be me. And it infuriates me. I don't know why, and I cannot rationalise or internalise.
He's currently away, and I feel so peaceful. But I do love him dearly.
I have an academic career, I do alot of outdoor activities and pilates daily and also take peri supplements. So I can distract myself, but it's always simmering under the surface. I hope, as with all things in life, this too will pass.

Love this thread. DH and I have been together since I was 19, way before DC came along (I'm now 53). So together a long time, but for the last 6 months he is really really irrating me!!

Just jumping on here to say feeling really irrated by DH. Not sure if menopause or crack in our marriage. Actively looking for ways to avoid him at the moment.... is this normal ?

I need to be alone much more than I used to!

Honestly, get back into the exercise. It's the best thing ever to cope with meno. Builds strong bones, heart, core, keeps weight down. Try to see the fact that he enjoys this with you as a very positive aspect of marriage as you head towards later life. A physically active marriage is as important as an intellectually stimulating one.

(I have the opposite. DH is clever, funny, well read but I want to go on long hikes and walking holidays and he's no longer fit enough. All the adventures we'd planned to do together once DC were grown I now have to do alone as he isn't up to it.)

Start planning some sessions together to get you back to the gym, on a gentle c25K or park run and some bike rides, working towards an ambitious goal you'd both really enjoy, like London to Brighton bike ride or a local 10k run.

Decide to find mental stimulation elsewhere - join a class, discussion group, good book club etc.

I agree with what most are saying. You need a life overhaul first.

Get the HRT (if that’s what you want - I take it and love it. I absolutely hated my husband for about six months before I started taking it.) Start exercising again.

I don’t think you should go full time with work necessarily, but fill up that other time with meaningful hobbies. A course? Is there something you always wanted to do at any point in your life? Even as a kid?

So: fun and good exercise, diet can make an enormous difference to perimenopause, HRT, meaningful and stimulating hobbies.

Obviously I’m not saying ignore how you feel in your marriage. But see if you feel the same once you’ve sorted everything else out.

It wasn’t HRT alone that helped my peri symptoms. I had to stop alcohol almost entirely, my diet is healthy, and I do a lot of exercise (I was doing a lot of exercise before the HRT / peri anyway though). But I feel more myself again now.

I am menopausal and on HRT. My reason for HRT was more for joint problems. It has helped with joint pain and probably sleeping and I have lost weight BUT the irritation I feel with things that didn't use to bother me is still there.

I agree re exercise - only thing that ensures a sense of calm for me. Swimming is my exercise of choice and recently I couldn't swim due to ear infection. I felt worse psychologically.