Husband raped me in front of my 3 year old (now ex husband) *** Warning: contains detail some may find upsetting***

[Forests90]

Hi
My now ex raped me..I would call this rape but he always plays it down and makes me feel like I'm over reacting...
He was trusted as a stepdad to my son..seemed lovely at the beginning.. typical narcissist..love bombing..then the mask drops.
I was pregnant with our baby girl ..first holiday abroad..with my 3 year old son..( not his biological son)

He was cold to me for the first 2 weeks..would shrug me off in bed even for a cuddle..made me feel unloved..I thought he didn't find me attractive anymore now I was pregnant
Then randomly..mid of the afternoon he was just cuddling me on the sofa /spooning ..with my 3 yr old son in the room on the sofa opposite us...he then proceeded to try a have sex with my son present!!
I felt sick I couldn't believe what he was doing..I told him to stop and get off numerous times but he wouldn't stop..he held me down with a cushion over to hide it..I froze as in my head I didn't want to get up in case my son saw his private and have a memory of what was actually going on...but he new I was scared and actually said 'stop doing that to my mummy'
It broke my heart...he finished quickly I got straight up and went to the kitchen and burst into tears..I felt sick that I was carrying his child and I'd been stupid enough to let a man like this into my son's life...it's every single mums worst nightmare..he laughed it off saying hes just passionate in the moment..I think it was sick and he raped me..and I'd even class it as child abuse...how can he even be in the mood with my child present watching..we have broke up and he's shown no interest in seeing the kids so far...should I report it as rape?..Im worried that marital rape is never believed and so hard to prove..but the fact it was In front of my son is even worse... luckily he doesn't seem to remember and he probably put it down to cuddling but it was clearly not right and I sobbed all holiday on the beach knowing I was carrying his child I felt trapped with him ..Im torn between not wanting to drag it all up for my son's sake of not knowing I'd rather him have no memory of it but also feel he has raped me and it keeps coming to the surface no matter how much I try to forget it happened.
I have left him and don't see him anymore but he has a habit of turning up when he needs something..he just uses people and cons everyone at first..burns his bridges and moves on to the next victim

😢 This is both rape and child abuse. You are not safe to be around this man. Please do as others have suggested and reach out for help from a rape crisis or domestic violence centre. A man who could do this is capable of doing almost anything.
Gawd, this is unspeakable. There are no words for how sorry I am.❤️

You did so well to get yourself and your DC away from this rapist. You probably need to talk it through face to face with an experienced therapist. That could give you closure.

I’m so sorry you went through this. Please call the women’s help line. This man got off on the power disparity and the fact that your son was there knowing you wouldn’t call out. Sick, sick bastard.

Thanks for your messages, yes I've decided I will report it, in sorry if I shouldn't of put this on here I understand it's sensitive subject..I just didn't know where to vent ..but I will tell the police he can't be allowed get away with it and harm anyone else...and yes I will get the counselling too..thanks again for support

Well done, I think you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry to say I agree with a PP that it does suggest he could be a paedophile. The police need to know what happened not only for your safety, but so that it can be taken into account regarding access to his biological children. The police should also be able to help you access help from local services. Something like EMDR can help you to process what's happened.

Hi OP,,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to share support links that we hope will be helpful. We can see another poster has also shared a link to Rape crisis, but we thought to link it again.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I think you should report if you feel able to because it might help if in future your ex ever tries to get access to your children. He sounds very dangerous. Even if you don’t want to report to the police it may be worth telling someone for this reason.

I don’t think you should expect a prosecution (unless possibly you have evidence in texts etc about what happened).

You're such a brave woman, first when you decided to leave him and protect yourself and your children, and now by going through this process.
I hope you always remember how strong you are, despite what he did to you.

You're absolutely right to call this rape. This isn't even a grey area. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I hope you get the help you need to heal from this injustice and that, regardless of the outcome, you feel proud or yourself for reporting him and doing what you can to prevent anyone else becoming a victim.

Thanks everyone..I have been in touch with help lines in the past and have records of that so this may help with the police

Sending heartfelt empathy to every woman who has so courageously posted of their experiences here, and to commend you, OP, for your courage in leaving and reporting this monster.

These stories are utterly horrific. I've been on MN a long time and encountered some truly nasty things that women have suffered at the hands of men. But I can say without reservation this is one of the worst theads I've ever read.

Positivity to all.

What an abhorrent monster. I'm so so sorry to hear this & hope you've some emotional support... clearly rape. If you report, it will be very difficult to prove beyond all reasonable doubt. Your word against his. But like another person has outlined you have your unborn to now think about and protect against this predator. I would definitely report for this reason..... Have a read of Claire's Law and ask the police for disclosure on him. If you told a close friend/family what happened soon after the event that may help you if you decide to report. Look after yourself, you sound lovely 🥰