Feel awful. Can't stop hating myself

[niamh333]

hi all, I have posted about this before. Basically a coworker admitted he kissed me back in December. I remember absolutely nothing about this night. I have been with my partner for almost 5 years and he forgave me. Only recently I ended up venting to this co-worker about how much this event upset me and he mentioned a few things
He very subtly mentioned that he saw how drunk I was before he initiated it and obviously he still did it. I still blame myself I feel horrendous.

On a separate occasion we got stuck together and he asked me was i still with my partner. And I just can't tell if this man just misinterprets normal chat for flirting it just messes with me.

He thinks I should forgive myself too and told me I am being way too hard on myself. but it's at the point where I can't relax, I was seeing a therapist about it but my financial situation changed a bit so I had to stop going. if anyone has advice how to just get over this, I only drink when I'm at home now because of the blackout which has upset me to no end.

Your co worker took advantage of you when you were drunk, he's even admitted he did this.
Do not blame yourself for his predatory behaviour, but do be mindful of the danger you put yourself in by getting into such a state that you can't remember anything about the night or what happened. For all you know he might even be making the whole thing up!
I'd consider going back to therapy as soon as you can afford it to help you manage your feelings about this.

Someone kissed you, knowing very well how drunk you were. That's inexcusable behaviour on his end. You're not to blame for this kiss.
However I do think that you may need to re-evaluate your drinking.
Do you normally get blackout drunk whenever you drink or was this a one time thing? Why do you need to limit drinking to your home? If you only have a glass or two, you can safely drink elsewhere.