I’ve lost myself

[Darkestred]

Please don’t flame me. I know that none of this is good but I am feeling very fragile right now and I don’t think I can tell anyone yet. Had a huge row with my bf on Friday and he has completely cut me off everywhere since. I know that I had disappointed him and I own that but it’s this dreadful silence that is really eating me up because I don’t know what will happen next. I know that this sounds silly but I can’t think of the last time I have felt this anxious and upset and even physically sick.
I went to his house yesterday to see if he was around but he wasn’t home and I stood there like the idiot that I am. I have a key but I didn’t try to go in of course. I just don’t know what to do. I’m driving myself insane with worry and fear because I don’t know what’s going on and I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends or family about it. We’ve had fights before but he has never ignored me for this long.
I can’t stand the silence and I don’t know what to do. Please can you help me stop panicking because right now I’m not in control and I need to take some back somehow.

If I was you then I’d be taking control back by blocking all communication with this man- permanently.

Regardless of the argument blocking your girlfriend for 4 days would be relationship ending for me. Get out NOW before you have children, mortgages and joint finances to consider making it a lot more difficult to just hit the block button.

You’re never going to have any control in a relationship with a person like that because he can always do exactly this to you.

This is a form of emotional abuse OP, I would stop chasing him now and take back control and accept the fact this isn’t a healthy relationship by how he is treating you and look to move on with your life.

post his key back to him and block him on everything you can.

What was the row about?

Agree with PPs. He sounds horribly cruel and it’s pure punishment, to treat you like this.

This! Get rid of him, he's horrible.

Abusive and controlling. If he doesn't come back be glad, if he does don't have him.

Normal healthy people do not do this.

Yes I have never felt so out of control before. It’s a horrible feeling.
Thank you

You need to end this relationship. It's not healthy.

Take back control. Block and forget. Nobody deserves to feel like this x

But you do know what's going on. His ignoring you and making you feel shit. His controlling you. Take the control back by blocking him and move on with your life. He clearly does not care about you. Realise that

No matter what the fight was, this is not how you treat another person.

if he wanted to end the relationship or even just ask for some space then he has the voice to speak up and communicate that.

what he’s doing is active punishment, he knows that you will be anxious and hurt. He knows exactly how you will be feeling - and he wants you to feel that. He is trying to punish you - and manipulate into behaving in the future too.

This isn’t the way relationships have to be, he’s giving you a way out - you’d be mad not to take it

Unfortunately, if he eventually comes back and speaks to you again, there is a good chance he will repeat the same behaviour. The other posters are correct in that it’s a form of control to keep you anxious and overcompensating.

Doubtless he will know that and is planning on deigning to speak to you again when he feels like it, expecting you to fall over yourself with gratitude. Give him a shock and ditch him first.

When you say "We've had fights before but he's never ignored me for this long" do you mean that he has punished you before by blocking you but for shorter periods? Because this is abusive behaviour that abusive men use to control and head fuck their partners. As the others have said, you need to end things because the future with a man like this, is a miserable one.
My advice is to block him everywhere and tell your friends that your relationship has ended so they can support you. You have dodged a bullet here IMHO.

Yes you are all right. It’s gotten worse and he has hurt me and I think I need to leave but I don’t think I can do it on my own. I’ll see if I can talk to my sister later.

He’s done this deliberately to make you feel like you’re feeling now. It is abusive behaviour. Is that the type of person you want to spend your life with? Why do you think that you don’t deserve to be treated, at the very least, with basic respect?

Agree with others, this is abusive and you deserve better. I know that horrible feeling OP, hand hold from me

OP, do you mean that he has got back in touch and he's now physically hurt you? If so, please do speak to your sister, Womens Aid can also help you make a plan to leave safely.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

If I have misunderstood, sorry, but please do get this man out of your life - he's a no-good lowlife.

No you understood correctly. It’s quite embarrassing because I have taken him back so many times now so I will look like a fool but I guess that’s what I am. Thank you

You are not a fool. You titled this post “I’ve lost myself”. So take some time to find your self, without him in the picture.

OP I think we might be in very similar situations. I'm currently leaving my abusive husband, he used to give me the silent treatment for days at a time. He also physically hurt me and I took him back, and I've fallen for it so many times when he's promised to change. Mumsnet has helped me so much to stay strong and see his behaviour for what it is.

It's not embarrassing. We're here for you, what do you need?